Texaco Tries Titillating Technique

The financially troubled Texaco Oil Company told Renegade News it plans to
tap a new market in an effort to bring their balance sheet into the
black. All service stations in the thirteen state drought-stricken
area of the nation will be converted from selling gasoline to selling
tap water.

Water will come in three varieties, similar to the gas they will
replace.

REGULAR water will be equivalent to the water in residential homes.

A MID-GRADE water, to help plants grow faster, will have a higher
phosphate base like the water that leaves your washing machine.

And a HIGH TEST water will be similar to water taken from the cooling
towers at your nearby nuclear power plant.

In a related story, Yuppies from all over the country are sending in
their Perrier brand water to the nation's farming belt to help fight
the drought. Farmers appreciate the bottled water effort, but noted one
side effect. Last week, several cows in one man's stockyard had the
urge to steal a BMW and drive recklessly across Nebraska.

RENEGADE NEWS -- The News We Twist To Fit {tm}
06/16/88