Showing posts with label theme park. Show all posts
Showing posts with label theme park. Show all posts

Sunday, July 12, 2020

Disney Grande Band Aide will revolutionize crowds and big events

Disney World reopens the Happiest Place on Earth with a few tweaks for COVID-19.

Disney turned a deaf mouse ear to the thousands who pleaded not to reopen yet. Our Renegade News entertainment reporter spoke with Walt Disney last week. Disney walked us through a few of the safety features being implemented at the theme parks for moving a herd of people quickly through the gates.

"We have increased Disney Magical Moments to eight times the usual moment, that means a Disney cast member is likely to have a moment with a guest every 5 minutes," Disney told us.  All cast characters have been trained in proper use of Lysol and Clorox Wipes. Expect to be wiped down and sprayed during your visit to the Magic Kingdom. 

And in addition, guests are being fitted with a strong magnetic belt which will repel other guests who come within 10 feet of each other. Officials are saying the magnetic belt, called the Disney Grande Band Aide, or DiGBA, will revolutionize large gatherings in the parks. In the future Disney plans to make the DiGBA available for sale to event producers around the world. The ultimate in crowd control. Disney imagineers rolled out earlier versions that Cinderella has been wearing since March. Disney acknowledged this DiGBA belt is still being fine tuned and has a few known issues including magnets launching guests 30 feet in the air and there are reports of uncontrollable movements when worn near the Maglev trains. 





THIS IS A PARODY OF NEWS

Friday, October 9, 2009

Six Flags – Over Earth announced. New NASA theme park on the moon

Following Friday morning’s successful crash of a LCROSS satellite and its booster rocket into a crater near the south pole of the moon, a surprise joint venture announcement was made between Six Flags and NASA, “Six Flags – Over Earth” a zero gravity water theme park is scheduled to break ground in Spring 2011 and be completed by 2020.

A satellite and booster rocket, shot at the moon as a test for potable water and parking, proved to be a positive low cost location for a gigantic entertainment complex which promises to eclipse the earth. Water slides, trampolines and character parades are only a few attractions slated for the new theme park.

"This is so cool," said Jerry Smith, coordinator for Six Flag’s “Over Earth” campaign. "We're thrilled."

"This is going to change where we take summer vacations," NASA chief lunatic Michael Mal de la Cabeza said at the news conference. “No More Jersey Shore for us”

Photos and artists renderings are to be released in the next few weeks.

THIS IS A NEWS PARODY