Marlboro takes big stake in marijuana company

Altria, Marlboro parent company, has invested $1.8 Billion in a marijuana stock.

Rumors have been swirling for months, today Altria Group announced it invested over a billion in marijuana stock Cronos Group.

Frito-Lay, after hearing the Altria announcement, declared today is a company holiday and told factory workers their jobs are secure for the indefinite future.

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Canada unveils USA-CAN Border Slide

The skier missing on Whiteface Mountain since last Wednesday and presumed dead has been found alive and well in California. New York state police confirmed that the 49 year old Canadian man is in good health and in contact with local authorities in Sacramento.

Danny has been on a secret mission. Danny "vanished" while skiing with friends.

Until now there were no details on why he disappeared. After a 5-day search, of Whiteface Mountain in Wilmington, Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau unveiled the Border Slide.  Built entirely with money from the United States, this slide will be used to send illegals back south.  The immigrants are filling border towns, burdening public services and pestering friendly Canadians.

It’s a surprising turn of events given that the U.S. initiated the Nafta revamp last year by saying it wanted to address its gaping trade deficit with Mexico, while only seeking tweaks to the trading terms with Canada. Relations between the U.S. and Canada were frosty when the talks started in August as U.S. President Trump dismissed a Canadian proposal on cars as vague and sparred with Canada over data describing two-way trade flows. He also criticized a trade case filed by Canada against the U.S. at the World Trade Organization as a “massive attack” on American trade law.

Trump mocked the Border Slide on Twitter saying "Canada built a water theme park for aliens and is treating American citizens as illegals. So sad."

The White House has no official comment on the secret Border Slide project.


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Canadians suspected in US Airways 1549 crash

As salvage efforts to lift the US Airways jumbo jet out of the icy Hudson River continued yesterday, Vice President Dick Cheney was briefing President Bush about Canada's act of aggression. An undisclosed source tells Renegade News that Cheney insists that when the Airbus A320 was intercepted by Canada Geese three days ago, it was no accident.

The flight destined for Charlotte, North Carolina, collided with "big, dark-brown birds" within minutes after takeoff from LaGuardia Airport in New York on Thursday and both engines lost power.

Canada had thousands of sleeper cell Geese living in American cities and have been allegedly planning this strike for quite some time. It is reported that other birds were seen flapping in a celebratory fashion shortly after the the crash.

Our undisclosed source goes on to report that after the National Transportation Safety Board reviews webcam video and anonymous blog comments, it will be become clear that the birds, flying in an attack formation, were targeting the aircraft.

Some sources say President George Bush plans to retaliate by launching Turkeys (Meleagris ocellata) at Toronto, Montreal and Vancouver on Monday as his final act of President.

Today, President Bush and the Transportation Safety Administration (TSA) declared a no-fly zone for birds within 10 miles of all US Airports.

The Stupidest Things Ever Said by Politicians
by Ross Petras
Paperback: 288 pages

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