Renegade News Mental Medal award

The president of RNS MEDIA, Renegade News parent company, has developed the Renegade News Mental Medal award, the highest honor on earth that is given to a satirical news site.  The RNMM award is given out randomly, like lollipops at a rave on South Beach, to satire news sites found on the internets.  Congratulate yourself if you have been awarded the RNMM award.

RNS MEDIA hosts a black tie dinner and award presentations twice a year at a secret club and Renegade News makes an insignificant donation to the Relax Steve campaign to memorialize the occasion. 

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Exyzee app targets the embarrassing open fly

One of the better software innovations of the year is Exyzee. If you’ve ever been alerted X-Y-Z in a meeting, classroom or on the train, this hot new app is for you.


Designed to work with tiny computer chips already woven into clothing, the app running on your mobile device identifies your pants by a unique identification code embedded in the RFID chip and analyzes 3 factors. Wind velocity, room temperature and internal temperature. Using advanced technology borrowed from NOAA, Exyzee software determines zipper conditions.

Earlier versions of fly tracking failed because RFID technology was not yet available but using the existing hardware in your jeans, you can be alerted within 30 seconds of your pant conditions via text message or on the cell phone’s handset’s lock screen.

Future versions of Exyzee will include a dongle that attaches to the jeans allowing users to discretely swipe their screen and zip their fly.

One of the features in the app is the introduction of “gradual zipper notification” (GZN), which will redisplay alerts after a set period of time if they haven’t already been addressed. After the 5th text or push notification, Wireless Emergency Alerts (WEAs) are triggered on your mobile device indicating you better zip it up right now. The GZN alerts are disabled if the app detects you are driving or in a theater setting.

The app also includes an “auto-on” feature, which activates as soon as you put your handset into your pocket, and the developers have also used shake technology to avoid accidental alerts in the bathroom.

The app, originally released on iOS in January, is now available for any Android device. An iPad version is due out before Labor Day, to coincide with the beginning of the new school year.

Fact Sheet:  RFID Technology

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Leaked Tech from Apple and Google - new products coming soon

While sitting at a bar about 50 miles north of San Bernardino, California in Barstow a couple of over marinated engineers were slurring on about great new inventions at their respective companies.

The  Cupertino geek claimed Apple Inc. ($AAPL) is about to launch iDontcare, and the Googler was boasting about "Google Later" an invention that can catapult technology into another century.

Apple's iDontcare is the answer to data theft. It is estimated to be slightly smaller than an iPhone 5s, has 512 GB of very secure memory and will be priced under $100.

We are told the iDontcare has a lot packed into a small package, including a 15 metapixel camera, Earthworks ID-40 stereo microphones, 8 dB Bose speakers and the latest secure memory storage: Signetics Write Only Memory.  For Bitheads this is a fully encoded, 9046 X N chip set (PDF), for the non-technical just think: Perfect for sensitive data you don't want stolen.

Google Later from Google Labs ($GOOG) is an app that runs on both Apple and PC desktop computers, lets users upload photos into albums and write blog postings.  What makes Google Later unique is it does not operate on iOS, it does not operate on Android, actually it does not work on any mobile platform. Going one step further, Google Later even deactivates if it detects a computer is running on battery power.

"We wanted to introduce a product that discourage food porn, live blogging and streaming video while walking in Times Square--how many times do we need to see a geek photographing french fries on his iPhone?" 

The director of the Google Later project, who asked to remain anonymous, told us from his
3rd floor office in Mountain View, he is frustrated that social media is making the world anti-social. He paused, looked out the window of his office at a northeast view and confided that Google Later is already being shared with other industry leaders and expects the immediacy of upload to be squashed. "nothing gets uploaded if the time stamp on content is less than 5 hours old."

Google Later increases brain activity. It doesn't remind you where your car is parked and doesn't tell you what's happening 5 feet away from you. Google Later encourages users to interact with others and think for themselves.

In the spirit of Google Later, this article was written last week.


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iBag or iDoucheBag - results of research

What is an iBag, often called an iDoucheBag or iDouche?

the iBag badge of honor

An iBag is the term given to inconsiderate users of mobile devices (laptops, mp3 players, cell phones, tablets).  A study was recently concluded by our Renegade News tech journalists which had some surprising results. Bigger is not always badder.  The laptop scored lower on the iBag scale than the touch screen phone or tablet. So far I refrained from saying iPhone or iPad, this is because while the iProducts may have a slightly higher douchability, there was no great difference on touch screen smartphones or specific brands of tablets.

iBags:

• Talk loudly on cell phones
• Spread their elbows into their neighboring riders ribcage
• Use their iDevices with sound effects
• Play their iNoise so loud the earpod bleedover is heard throughout the bus/train

iBag Annoyance Chart

Overall the Renegade News iTeam found when asked to remove their elbows or lower their volume, an iBag responds in an exaggerated fashion while muttering about their self-entitlements.

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Comment on your own iBag experiences...

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iPads may cause second hand iBlindness

For years precautions have been urged for users of earpods to keep the volume down as they are at risk for hearing loss. Forget the iPod, dim down the iPad.

The Institute of Vision and Scent has expressed concern regarding the use of tablets, particularly the iPad, because of reflective light wavelengths generated by early morning sunlight bouncing off glossy screens, causing retinal damage and contributing to technology related blindness.

Reflective iPad light is 8000x brighter than the Sun

There has been over 63,000 reports of second-hand blindness injuries directly related to neglectful iPad usage. Most of these injuries typically occur in the early morning when pupils are dilated due to less light and longer shadows, allowing reflective light to enter deep into the eye, and damaging the retina.

iPad as a substitute for Natural light?
For years ophthalmologists have advised people to get outside natural light, without sunglasses or sun block, for a minimum of one hour a day and warns that reflective light is not a substitute for true natural light and "should absolutely be avoided." People who cannot get outside regularly need to equip their work areas with full-spectrum light fixtures.

Anti-reflective iPad?
Sure anti-reflective coatings will cut down on light injuries and there are numerous third-party vendors offering a solution, anti-reflective LCD screen guards. These films enable users to work on their iPad without accidentally blinding others, prices generally range between $7 and $15.

But Apple users love bright, shiny objects and adding a matt finish is contrary to the company's Shiny Product Management (SPM) roadmap. Renegade News left messages for Apple but did not hear back about a plan to offer tablets with a Matt finish display in the iFuture. Happy April Fool's Day.

from Renegade News - the news we twist to fit
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The iSup device from APPLE coming soon. From the makers of iPod, iPhone and iPad

Negative feedback from Apple's iPad User Annoyance Group (UAG) has expedited Apple R&D to launch the next generation of wireless mobile devices. In the third quarter of 2010 the world will be introduced to brand new technology from Apple and Boehringer-Ingelheim. An undisclosed source

says the new product addresses elbow space with mobile technology on public transportation, whether it be airplanes, buses or trains. 

"iPad users need more elbow room than ever. Bumping elbows with neighbors in adjoining seats is unacceptable behavior from our iCommunity"

— an undisclosed source.

The iSup, in alpha testing, is designed to give customers a greater user experience without the elbow annoyance factor. iSup combines two devices, linked via a wireless connection. The iDisplay is about the size of an iPad without the touch screen. The iDisplay links to a wireless controller about the size of a D Cell battery. The suppository device contains nano-technology activated by intestinal bacteria and creates a Colonet™, transmitting directly to the iDisplay. Since iSup is controlled like a touch-pad via the sphincter, elbow space becomes a non-issue. Engineers promise a smaller version of iSup when it is released into beta testing.  Alpha testers can operate the iSup for up to two hours before muscle fatigue sets in--Interaction designers are working on less muscle movement to extend dexterity and usefulness.


Apple Inc.(Public, NASDAQ:AAPL) designs and creates iPod and iTunes, Mac laptop and desktop computers, the OS X operating system, and the revolutionary iPhone and iPad.

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