Showing posts with label beverage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label beverage. Show all posts

Saturday, February 29, 2020

NASA Finds Perfectly Rectangular Iceberg


NASA just shared a stunning image of a nearly perfect rectangular iceberg in Antarctica. The monolithic slab of ice, said to be floating just off the Larsen C ice shelf appears quite unnatural given the 90-degree angles. We sent our science reporter to cover the story and it was revealed that the close up photo appeared to be the size of Jamaica was in fact a 2 inch ice cube.

Operation HappyHour is a mission by NASA to document mixology around the world in order to understand how ice (thickness, location, accumulation, etc.) is affected by elements, mostly alcohol.

While scientists photograph the rectangular "iceberg" in order to justify this world tour of binge drinking, further research is being conducted. This will include investigating drinks with crushed ice as well as frozen fruit flavored cocktails. All in the name of science.


Rectangular ice cubes typically form in an ice tray of eight to twelve identical ice cubes defined with steep, nearly vertical sides and a flat plateau top, which are tabular bodies of thick ice. When popped out of the ice tray, the angles are exactly 90 degrees. Mixers, swizzle sticks and stirring winnow away the sharp edges of the ice cube and rounds it out, Billy Funt, a NASA scientist, told Renegade News.


MORE Assorted Ice Trays (via Amazon Affiliate Link, I am paid a commission on eligible sales from Amazon)

A normal process for ice is calving, the breaking off of distal ice from the larger ice cube.

NASA intends to study this calving process through Operation HappyHour as a way of measuring melting due to interactions of alcohol with the ice or maybe it's global warming. As the planet warms, more ice cubes are used and are more susceptible to calve off and splinter as they are mixed in a cocktail. NASA has been measuring alcohol levels for decades which led to great inventions such as the Buzz Aldrin, a mixture of Tang and vodka.

Buzz Aldrin cocktail
Additional inventions, thanks to NASA research:

Rocket Booster

Moonwalk
Galaxy Lemonade



THIS IS A PARODY OF NEWS

Saturday, December 29, 2018

Beer Bottle Border Wall Will Pay For Itself

The federal government remains partially closed and the president will not release the country until his demands are met.  A border wall paid for and by the people with a $5 billion dollar price tag.

A math major and beer snob got together and ran some numbers.  Americans consume more Mexican beer than any other import, averaging over 60 million gallons a month, according to beerinstitute data.  If we returned the empty bottles to Mexico for their deposit, the wall could be paid for in no time.  Let's do the math.

Assume all beer is bottled and all bottles have a 5¢ deposit.

In October 2018 60,951,402 gallons of Mexican beer were consumed. 54 bottles of beer make up a gallon. 60 million (gallons) times 54 = 3,240,000,000 bottles in one month and at 5 cents a bottle the wall gets $162,000,000 a month on the average. And this is just Mexican imports. There's big money in bottle deposits! Huge money!


By now the leaders in DC have exceeded their daily reading allotment. You see it would take years to save even one billion dollars but we can tell DC leadership their Five Billion Dollars (what is being asked for a wall) will be saved up in a few months.  A senator (not furloughed) recommended that beer bottle money will pile up much quicker if the furloughed federal employees pitch in and start collecting bottles immediately. If you haven't begun yet, start binge drinking amigo.



THIS IS A PARODY OF NEWS

Monday, January 29, 2018

Doctor Pod Snap! Dr Pepper Snapple, Keurig Green Mountain combine

In an effort to make a bigger pop, Dr Pepper Snapple and Keurig Green Mountain plan to combine to form a company with $11 billion in annual revenues, the companies said Monday.

The combined company, will be called Doctor Pop Snap, reason enough to form this merger. [correction: The combined name will be Keurig Dr Pepper)


The companies have done business before. Remember the jingle from a few years ago? "I'm a pepper pod, you're a pepper pod, wouldn't you like to be a pepper pod too?" Keurig signed a multi-year agreement to sell pods of Dr Pepper soda brands for the Keurig Cold system in the U.S. and Canada.

The merger comes as a surprise, but wait until you see the combined beverages. That's the real surprise--one of these hybrid KCups loaded with sugary Snapple, Dr Pepper and Coffee brewed by the cup is estimated to produce enough energy to keep a human being awake for 10 days.

The Olympics committee is looking into legal reasons to ban the soda jerks from olympic competition. So far no statement has been released.

THIS IS A PARODY OF NEWS

Friday, March 31, 2017

Last-Cup, the Uber of Coffee


Last-Cup, the Uber of Coffee

Zook, Kansas, April 1, 2017 - Save coffee, time and money.  LAST-CUP connects the people to the coffee. Every morning millions of Americans have a leftover cup of coffee.  And every morning millions of Americans wait in line and pay an average of $5 for a cup of brewed coffee. Until now.

The concept is simple!
  • Just sign up as a coffee host or as a coffee guest.
  • Indicate the number of cups available or needed. Reoccurring or day-to-day.
  • A stranger will stop by and say the secret catchphrase, LAST-CUP, indicating they went through our process of completing an internet based form.
  • Invite the stranger in, direct them to the coffee and let them enjoy.
  • The stranger has their coffee while you get ready for work.
What started as a neighborly gesture in Zook, Kansas in 2015, has now expanded into 8 cities in Kansas and Oklahoma. The founder of LAST-CUP is excited about this project going national in April 2017. Like Uber, payment is done in advance and tipping is not required. What could go wrong? LAST-CUP collects comments from members and has a patented 'coffee bean' rating so don't serve crappy coffee or leave behind  a mess.

Members can filter search results by distance, decaf, hazelnut and almond milk available. Expect this to make a big impact on mornings.

About Last-Cup:
Last-Cup is the No. 1 in-home coffee sharing brand in Kansas with more than 380 registered members in Kansas and Oklahoma and more than $1 billion in sales. Annually, Last-Cup serves more than 40 trillion cups. The company has been recognized as a Platinum Member of Kansas' 50 Best Managed Companies. Last-Cup believes that strong coffee inspire people to be strong leaders, and in 2015, the Last-Cup network was established to help support coffee drinking and boost people their full potential. Last-Cup is located in Zook, Kansas.

Last-Cup of Kansas






Wednesday, March 16, 2016

Officials warn of latest fad: Eating glass is bad for your health

Evidently eating glass isn't uncommon for beer and pizza lovers.

Corona Beer and DiGiorno’s have teamed up and released a series of ads produced by Mirecall of Los Angeles targeting the 18-52 male with something to prove.


Imagine it’s Friday night and you’re watching a rerun of the A Team when a commercial for both beer and pizza comes on your screen.  Pizza with crushed glass? Sounds crazy. And beer with extra glass? What is this commercial? But then in bold letters, THE REAL MEAL FOR REAL MEN glows on your screen. 

You know your buddy that lives next door is already on his way to the grocery store to stockpile glass infused frozen pizza and beer so you outsmart him and speed down to the Piggly Wiggly, buy all the shattered glass pizza and broken glass beer your truck can hold.  You smile.  Finally outsmarted your buddy and have a fridge full of broken glass pizza and beer. 
This is not a smart diet. Do not eat broken glass. 

THIS IS A PARODY OF NEWS

Sunday, January 16, 2011

Starbucks' Introduces New Medusa Logo and Four Speciality Items

Have you bought a cup of *bux joe with the new icon?  The buzz on the street, "Starbuck's changes logo to Medusa" is rocking across the country and the world. According to a reliable source at an disclosed coffee shop in Toledo, Ohio, Medusa, the mythical Greek character, was chosen because it is more inline with a greater plan for global domination by Starbucks CEO Howard Schultz. And coincides with a soon to be made announcement of new caffeinated products.

There is backlash to dropping the Starbucks’ mermaid, or “Siren” icon, thousands of Facebook users protested changing the image to Medusa and a blog urged business executives to boycott the coffee until the Siren returns. Starbucks’ move also comes at a time when U.S. companies are relying more heavily on foreign sales, and a logo based on a controversial Greek character may not sit well in emerging markets.

Versace, who has a similar logo, stated "there are so many mythical characters, why Medusa? Look at Roman mythology, leave us Medusa." And no confirmation of plans for a chain of Versace Cafes.

Starbucks is expected to launch many new products in 2011. Our sources confirmed there are at least 9 new items and revealed these four:
  • Truffa - A new smaller and slightly more expensive, but much cooler, size cup with a larger Starbucks logo.
  • Bitta - A mildly caffeinated bottled water with the signature burnt coffee taste.
  • Joos - A dehydrated yellow powder when added to water gives the appearance of Orange Juice but with the signature burnt coffee taste. 
  • Phul - Single serving pouches of upscale (read "expensive") instant coffee, which will target the over 80 Nescafe and Sanka audience.
THIS IS A PARODY OF NEWS
***

Wednesday, February 3, 1988

Ocean Spray Floods New England

Last week CBS News announced that Ocean Spray Cranberries of Plymouth, Mass. was being fined for dumping toxic chemicals into the water supply.

This week Renegade News discovered exactly what toxic chemicals were being dumped...

Wednesday, December 16, 1987

Coca Cola tries New Lure / Hart in the Running Again

The Makers of "new" Coke are trying to lure more Americans to drink the new forumla...

By now th enews is out, Gary Hart (D-Colorado) has resumed his presidental campaign. In a telephone interview...