CVS, Rite Aid and Walgreens pharmacy employees plan to strike

What happens if your pharmacy staff at CVS, Walgreens or Rite Aid goes on strike? You can expect long lines, unanswered phones and surely cashiers.  Yup, just as we suspected, the last decade was practice.

Mediators are using store receipts with barcodes to negotiate terms.  The big question is will the drug stores go out of business before or after a strike?

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Wordle Virus Spreads To All 50 States

Wordle began innocently as a daily word game by a Brooklyn-based software engineer quickly spread across the country, like a virus. People grab their cell phones while still in bed, and many do this before their coffee. Their goal is to solve the day's word puzzle. 

Officials have expressed concern and worked with greedy pharmaceutical makers to quickly develop a vaccine to medicate the players against playing word puzzles, at least wait until they gulp down their coffee. 

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Cootie Shot 22

The common cootie shot has been re-engineered to protect against SARS-CoV-2 aka the novel Coronavirus.

Coronaviruses (CoV) are a large family of viruses that cause illness ranging from the common cold and cooties to more severe diseases. A novel coronavirus (nCoV) is a new strain that has not been previously identified in humans.

To be fully effective wait about a week or so after the cootie shot is administered. The vaccine, known as “Cootie 22”, is given the same way as the original cootie shot, first used 65 years ago to protect children from getting the cooties from their pals on the playground. 

Vaccinated individuals must follow a strict protocol to stay protected when risk of exposure is evident.

• Always carry your cootie card which identifies you as being vaccinated.
• Have your vaccine card in hand and be ready to flash it when outdoors and you come within 6 feet of another person, or when entering an indoor establishment such as restaurants, libraries, government buildings, etc. 
• If you think you were exposed, immediately shout “Cootie Shot” and simultaneously flash your card.
• IF YOU LOSE YOUR COOTIE SHOT CARD you can temporarily go old school and pinch your arm while yelling “Cootie shot” 

COVID-19 is a serious worldwide pandemic and none of the information presented here is factual. Do not take this article serioiusly.  If you recently had a cootie shot, it ain't no good. Consult your healthcare provider regarding a COVID-19 vaccine.

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Johnson and Johnson: No more tears, no more fears

Johnson & Johnson is rinsing off their old "No more tears" campaign to remix as the No More Fears, Coronavirus vaccine. 

The vaccine is the third to be authorized for use in the United States. Unlike its predecessors -- from Pfizer/BioNTech and Moderna -- the Johnson & Johnson vaccine requires only one shot and can be kept at normal refrigerator temperatures, making it easy to transport.

J&J launched No More Fears public awareness campaign today to promote acceptance of the vaccine.

J&J is distributing the vaccine to mega sites across America. Some are concerned it is being shipped in shampoo bottles and J&J released a statement to Renegade News that states, "using vaccines as shampoo is not a recommended usage is not being presented to the FDA for consideration. "

At this time, data are not available to determine how long the shampoo vaccine will provide protection, nor is there evidence that the vaccine prevents transmission of SARS-CoV-2, lice or Tinea Capitis from person to person.  

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COVID greet with NaNu NaNu

In these pandemic times, new ideas pop up every day. Our infectious disease reporter found people who replaced the skin slapping handshake.

An active group from Nevada started using this greeting introduced by Mork from Ork. NANU NANU.

The Nevada group, who will not be named, says transmissions are down, handshakes or foil hats. TBD.
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FALSE CLAIM of a CoVid Colon Antibody Test

WARNING: MIAMI-DADE County, FL. Beware of a Florida Main, claiming to be a doctor, driving in an nondescript white van and claiming to authorized to perform free CDC approved Coronavirus / CoViD antibody test with 100% accurate results. 

The unaccredited doctor is reported to park crowded parking lots in Hialeah and Miami Lakes at various times of the day. He claims the only 100% accurate antibody test is in the Colon. Dozens of reports have been made to Miami-Dade and Hialeah police departments. Victims agree to the colon swab but the van drives away before giving people their results. 

 According to the CDC there is no such colon swab test for CoViD antibodies being offered in the United States at this time. 

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Dr. Clean appointed leader of the NIH, CDC and the White House physician

Formerly known as Mr. Clean, Dr. Clean is a Graduate of Trump University with an honorary degree, Doctor of Humanities.

Clean is one of the custodians who believe bleach added to a bucket of water may kill viruses and leave a cleaner surface. To expand on this, president Trump stated that ingesting disinfectant might just kill Coronavirus. Of course the president was being sarcastic but is always thinking outside the box.

Dr. Clean led the Human Genome Project crew responsible for emptying waste baskets in the administrative offices.

Recently Dr. Clean was appointed acting director of the National Institutes of Health in Bethesda, Maryland, United States. Mr. Clean was also given responsibilities of acting director of the Centers for Disease Control and is now chief physician for the president and his family.

Dr. Clean  has been working in medical offices for more than 40 years. He comes with high praise from very Impressive people with big titles and terrific Amazon reviews. Dr. Clean is not afraid of tough jobs and has a magic eraser to clean up even the biggest mess.

We wish Dr. Clean much success with the career move.

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The Press Conference staring Pres. Trump season one

He leaves chaos and fear in his wake. Donald Trump staffers always wondering, "what's next?" Earlir this week, our Renegade News Science Reporter spent 22 hours with the president and hasn't fully recovered yet.

A very busy Tuesday in Washington, DC.

Making America Great Again, isn't an easy job that many appreciate. But the job comes with a cool red cap so Don thought, why not. Nobody could do a better job staying focused like a laser beam on the dashboard of a 1958 Oldsmobile driving down a gravel road with a broken suspension and three screaming kids in the back seat.  Screaming kid #1 asking for "facts", #2 wants "scientific evidence" and Don has no idea what the third child is whining about. What are "Constitutional laws?"

Some days are harder than others. Don is always happy that Air Force One has been to Florida so many times, it can practically fly itself to Palm Beach. And in two hours, he's relaxing on the astroturf, puttering a few rounds of goonie golf. Always a winner. Don is the best goonie golfer in America. Ask any golfer.

ECONOMIC OUTLOOK

Don is very proud of how he turned around the economy. The Fake News doesn't mention his accomplishments in the economy. Factish: The stock market hasn’t seen a movement like this since since Bach's Brandenburg Concertos collection in 1047. So passionate. Donald feels so passionate about economics that he's known to shut down the government if his ideas are rejected. That says economic smarts like nobody's business.

EMPLOYMENT

And the job future is looking fantastic.  Dollar General is hiring. Walmart is hiring. Manufacturing is booming. Manufacturing jobs everywhere-food prep is filed as manufacturing. Food assembly line jobs. Hiring.

TELEVISION RATINGS

Ratings up, up, up. The Trump Press Conference show is so great. In fact, President Trurmp just signed for 16 more episodes of the press conference. Great show. Very entertaining. Watch Trump on FOX.

Why FOX?

FOX is respectful and knows how to be a guest in someone's home. A FOX reporter knows what a softball question is and when to toss one.

NEWSPAPER RATINGS

Donald doesn't read newspapers. He has a lot on his mind and uses FOX and Twitter.  Newspaper ratings don't matter. Nobody reads. Use Twitter to get the word right from the Trump Rump.

SOCIAL MEDIA

3:40 AM — Don is still #1 on Facebook and has 2.4 trillion followers on Twitter.

Follow @realDonaldTrump on Twitter.  President Trump spends a lot of time wordsmithing his great tweets. Don's natural leadership and intellect shine through in every tweet. Don's Tweets are sharp and focused. No Fact Check required. Never fact check. Waste of time.  Speaking of sharp and focused, crazy Joe @JoeBiden finally got the big endorsement from ex-president Barack Obama. If Obama was such a great president,  why didn't he have a pandemic team?  Maybe he did. Maybe he didn't.  I'm talking about his endorsement for Joe Biden now.

On Twitter: @BarackObama

For all of us who love this country and are willing to do our part to make sure it lives up to its highest ideals – now’s the time to fight for what we believe in. Join us at http://JoeBiden.com. And I’ll see you on the campaign trail as soon as I can.

Sad. Such a boring tweet. Needs spice. Bland tweet. YAWN. Anyway, Donald Trump has more followers and retweets than anyone on earth. More than Santa Claus and Jesus combined. Donald tweets a lot of fantastic things on social media. Yes fantastic. So dedicated. Donald is awake most of the night sharing his knowledge on twitter.  165,283,542 retweets. Just sayin'. Jump on the Trump Rump.   Dollar General has jobs!

Don is blessed to have bankruptcy and medical experts in his family.  No need for panic. Ivanka has a plan to restart the economy, it starts with her clothing brand. Made in the USA, or China, or wherever, not important. A three prong approach. Buy Ivanka's fantastic clothing. Stay at the glamorous Trump hotels and enroll in Trump University. Money will flow and  everything else will heal itself.

SURPRISE WEDNESDAY

Tune in tomorrow for Wednesday’s episode when Donald announces a big surprise! A multi talented star is joining Donald J’s science and medical leadership team. He thinks America will be very pleased with the new leader of medicine and science.  Just a tiny hint. Famous person who  everyone will recognize. Fabulous Emmy Award winner who played an astronaut and a doctor and has been studying for this role for over a month! So qualified. So very qualified.  I can’t wait to see the rocket ship that Space Force will use to save humanity. It’s huge and painted a beautiful blue to match the blue sandals from  Ivanka Trump’s Isolation-19 line of footwear. Donald Trump, Jr. and Eric Trump were hand picked by NASA, and approved by Congress, to fly the rocket into the sun and save Earth. Tune in Wednesday!!!


Remember, wear a mask and wash your hands. Don won’t wear masks or use soap and water because his sensitive skin turn orange and peels if washed too often. Very beautiful skin.

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See also: Sarcasm.
NOUN
The use of irony to mock or convey contempt.

 ‘his voice, hardened by sarcasm, could not hide his resentment’

sarcasm/ˈsärˌkazəm/ /ˈsɑrˌkæzəm/

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Retooling television to work from home?

With America working from home, pajamas and puppies are getting more screen time than ever before.  It appears that WFH is going to be around a while so it's time to rethink television show themes.

JEOPARDY:  Contestants buzz in from home. Wrong answer? Take a shot.

LOCAL NEWS:  Put on some pants, we know you are in boxers and barefoot.

TELENOVELAS:  Set up a "Zoom" chat and go at it.

LATE SHOW? Colbert was always one T away from the coffee talk show. Just imagine...

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Counterfeit snack chips had virus/?

There is no truth that an unidentified Atlanta based airline was serving knock off chips on their inbound international flights. On a positive tote, Renegade News has dedicated a team to investigate whether any salsa or queso blanco has an affect on Coronavirus.

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Boeing 737C19 Retooled and Ready for CoronaVirus

Boeing analyzed the COVID-19 situation closely and took prudent measures to ensure the health and safety of passengers traveling on their planes.

The new 737C19 minimum of six feet spacing between all seats addresses seating concerns. Earbuds, inflight entertainment consoles and snacks will undergo thorough cleaning before every flight.

While these measures are temporary and aimed to prevent the spread of the virus, do not expect Boeing or the airlines to just give more legroom on the new configuration of planes. Renegade News travel intern reported it's like flying in a cargo plane.


All cabin space between passengers will be used for freight. Legroom will be minimal and seat reclining will be obstructed by shipping containers. Overhead compartments are removed.

Travelers are urged to exercise caution and take all appropriate health and safety measures, in coordination with the CDC and WHO.

Due to the coach cabin only having 14 seats, expect ticket prices to be 4000% higher than flights with a classic configuration.

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Allergy Warning: May Contain Nuts

CAUTION … WARNING:  Allergy Warning: Comments may be made by nuts or traces of other nuts.

Renegade News makes no claims that our newsroom is allergy free.  Content is definitely handled by nuts during preparation and delivery.

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Pizza, it's the smart choice for breakfast

Chelsey Amer, MS, RDN, CDN to The Daily Meal shook up breakfast when she told the Chicago Tribune that a slice of pizza is healthier than a bowl of cereal.

It's got protein. It's got carbs. It might even have vegetables. That hot slice of cheesy goodness is a balanced breakfast if we've ever seen one.

Cereal giants Quaker, General Mills and Kelloggs all scrambled to bake up their spin on breakfast pizza. Regional breakfast pizza options include Chicago style breakfast pizza, a loaf of bread in a box, while New York style breakfast pizza cereal is just the box.

Look for our potato mashup: French Fry vs Hash Browns coming soon.


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Crime is Killing the Environment

Hopefully you never see that yellow crime scene tape marking off a violent crime or murder, but as crimes go up so do thousands of yards of this plastic tape. And when the tape gets cut down for whatever reason, is usually left blowing down the street.

It doesn’t seem especially dangerous—a little flimsy yellow ribbon that will disintegrate as it tatters in the sunlight. But a recent study concludes that crime scene tape potentially has a big impact on the environment.

Approximately 14 billion feet of crime scene tape gets left in streets every year in the United States. Crime scene tape doesn’t decompose, and as a result, nearly 50 tons of plastic could end up in American food chain each year. Tiny pieces of this plastic, known as microplastic, are sinking into soil, which could then impact small animals, insects, and even end up in groundwater sources that eventually flow into the ocean. Crime scene tape has been found hundreds of miles offshore wrapped around dolphin and turtles. Birds are using crime scene tape in nests. Toxins from the plastic is absorbed by birds and hatchlings.

We know the source, and the solution seems simple. Eliminate crime and the crime scene tape goes away.

That simple fix is so simple that it’s incredible that it hasn’t been done yet. Renegade News endorses the proposal to eliminate crime to save the environment. Vote to eliminate crime in November. 


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Medicine and Healthcare are fake

Renegade News' Arlington, Virginia office went deep undercover, to the 19th hole of an unnamed golf resort to gather facts for this story. Seems the medical and pharmaceutical industries do indeed control what medical news is released to the public, and where it is seen and heard.

The common cold.  Not everyone knows the common cold was cured in 1971. Cold medicine is a big money maker for primary care physicians and drug manufacturers. According to a pharmaceutical sales rep who prefers to remain anonymous, "it doesn't make sense for the medical community to walk away from big profits, 'the common cold has no cure.'"

Only 0.01% of the wealthiest on this planet are treated with a goal for a cure, the remaining population is sold medications, referred to multiple doctors and eventually infected with another virus and the cycle repeats.  Factoid: None of the 0.01% are left sick or suffering, they are treated and cured.

Epidemics. Imagine if epidemics were controlled releases, specifically to generate sales of new and expensive medications. Unfortunately we do not have the rest of this story as our reporter fell ill before completing the investigation. He has been suffering with the flu for three weeks and we have been holding onto his notes. As it is the week of Obama Care vote / no-vote, we feel it is topical.


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Finally a non-dairy, vegan friendly floor cleaner and it's kosher too

Non-Dairy, Lactose Free and Vegan Friendly Floor Cleaner

Mr. Clean took his personal battle public this week. For years the man behind household cleaners struggled with his lactose intolerance and worked many year with researchers to produce a vegan friendly non-dairy kitchen cleaner. Now Procter & Gamble has done it, and it's even kosher!

Attention lactose intolerant housekeepers. Now you can au pair without a care; your fear of that funky floor feeling is over. Now is the time to raise mops in celebration of a new line of dairy free deep cleaning floor care products.

Procter & Gamble Professional—the away-from-home division of Procter & Gamble, serving the foodservice, building cleaning and maintenance, hospitality and convenience stores industries—presents Lactose Intolerant Mr. Clean  kitchen & bath products, the ideal solution for fighting grime and dirt without the meat or milk.

The new lineup of dairy-free Mr. Clean offers solutions for a variety of  floorings, including:

• All Purpose, safe on all surfaces; swirled with non-abrasive vanilla bean specks. 
• Hardwood, a coffee tinted liquid with fudge chunks & caramel swirls
• Stone & Laminate, formulated with a bold crunchy peanut cleaner that leaves a brilliant chocolate sandwich shine.
• Carpet, lifts years of dirt from your rug using a banana cream base and walnut agitator. 

For years, Non-Dairy homeowners have had no choice but to envy the in-laws, unable to compete in America's favorite suburban pastime. Now it’s your turn America. Pull the rug out and wipe the smile off your in-law’s smug mug.

“Creating these new cleaners with a Non-Dairy base composition that meets the high expectations of suburban home dwellers was quite a challenge,” said Head Mopper Kirsten Relomo. “We wanted to bring the cleaning experience to Peoria and Pottsville, and we nailed it!”

The new line up is available in gallons (MSRP: $25.69). To learn more about non-dairy Mr. Clean or to find a store near you, visit bit.ly/1PFWRjF.   Procter & Gamble Pro says to look for the expanded line of cleaning products to include tub and tile, patio furniture and optical wipes. Due on shelves by July.


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Hospital Acquired Infections (HAI): An untapped profit center

As Hospitals look inward for new business, elevator buttons are realized as a revenue generator.

Skit Tjänsten, a leading patient management group, recently concluded a 5 year study on medical facility lost profits.

The goal of the study was to balance the number of patients checking out (ie: lost business) with new business.  Hospital Acquired Infections (HAI) was determined to be the most affordable technique.

The campaign Elevinate is rolling out to industry journals and trade shows. When loved ones come visit a hospital they rarely contribute to the profit.  Now friends and family members are infected and become customers or patients. According to Skit Tjänsten's Director of North America Infectious Disease, this will balance out the negative impact that cures and healing has on the bottom line.

Infection is quick and usually unnoticed for days.

Most standard elevator panels are already designed to facilitate bacterial transmission. The objective of this campaign is to increase the prevalence of bacterial colonization on elevator buttons in large urban hospitals.

During development, test swabs were taken from 2 interior buttons (buttons for the ground floor and one randomly selected upper-level floor) and 2 exterior buttons (the “up” button from the ground floor and the “down” button from the upper-level floor).  The results were fantastic. The colonization of elevator buttons was 61% (95% confidence interval 52%–70%). No significant differences in colonization prevalence were apparent in relation to location of the buttons, day of the week, or panel position within the elevator. Coagulase-negative staphylococci were the most common organisms cultured, whereas Enterococcus and Pseudomonas species were infrequent. 

Conclusion: A low cost application of disease on hospital elevator buttons is projected to increase revenue; keeping beds occupied 23% more in 2016. All this will be done while keeping patient costs up.



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Mobile User Health Warning: Wireless usage linked to Kyphotechnosis

For years, as scientists noted what appeared to be a link between poor posture and increased instances of mobile computing, supporters of humane ergonomic technology have suggested a slumped mobile posture is bad for health. Now a team of researchers from Transylvania University in Lexington, Kentucky have discovered that poor posture combined with high levels of a 3G bandwidth used in mobile users actually increase the risk of Kyphotechnosis.

Kyphotechnosis (KTech) is a is caused by any condition where advanced wireless technology causes a person to contort their body so that they are bent in an unnatural position. The CDC estimates that KTech silently kills approximately 124,000 people nationwide per year.

Researchers in Kentucky initially surveyed ten thousand wireless subscribers, on a 2 year contract, and determined risk factors for KTech. They found that the health and welfare of mobile users was a significant factor in the proliferation of KTech. “If you compromise the posture while engaging with a mobile device, the ability to control KTech is also compromised,” says Ron Redmon, lead researcher for the team who is now a professorial fellow in microwave technology at the University of Miami and science director for the National Center for Kyphotechnosis Research.

Management is key to healthy mobile usage. “It’s not about instant communication or data speed, and a vaccine is not practical,” Redmon says. “Better posture is the path we must take. “A happy chicken is a safe chicken.” If consumers are willing to adjust their posture while working on a smart phone, we can completely change these outcomes.”

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Adventures of a colonoscopy (funny)

If you've gone through the preparations for a colonscopy, you'll appreciate this video.

I have to agree when everyone says the prep is worse than the procedure.

A bit of background... First you take a few pills to loosen up the foundation a bit. After a few hours you become aquainted with a 50 gallon drum of prep fluid, which seems innocent enough but gulping it down is no easy task. The prep kit I was given had flavor packets, I used the orange flavoring thinking this can't be much worse than orange Gatorade because Gatorade isn't all that wonderful either. It is worse than Gatorade, not so much in flavor but consistency. It's just weird.

I recommend using a straw-aiming the liquid towards the roof of your mouth and let it spray down your throat without hitting your tongue.

Then after a short period of time, the fireworks begin!


See also:

• Dave Barry: A journey into my colon -- and yours
• Poop Report: Umm, And I'll Have The Colonoscopy, Please

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