As previously reported by Renegade News, nobody knows what to expect from the coronavirus or even how COVID-19 spreads. Experts are learning as they go.
That doesn't slow down the media frenzy. The sensational pandemic stories continue to sell newspapers. TV news seduces viewers with that tease of disaster. News outlets report the next wave of the Rona will be much worse than the first wave and that hundreds of thousands will die. Die live on streaming video. The pandemic will be tweeted. Networks are secretly placing news crews high and low, ready to bring breaking news into your living room. Poised and ready to report the End of the World. Bringing it all to you LIVE As It Happens (and remember we're still not sure if a second wave will occur. There is no scientific evidence showing anything will happen).
The COVID committee says NOW is the time to panic shop! Get to the malls and spend! Ice cream, fresh seafood and KitKat bars expected to sell out first. Followed by paper towels, spray paint and peanut butter crackers. Sell your stock. Buy more stock. The NASDAQ is at an all-time high, or low. Order sushi and don't pay. Wear a mask! Wash your hands! Run with scissors.
And most important, panic! Stay tuned for a pep rally from the president's COVID committee. Panic shopping at the White House Labor Day Flash Sale! First eight thousand registered voters with a valid ID will get a free USB flash drive with any purchase from the president's Oval Office Shopping Network. Own a genuine original copy of the Constitution of United States of America from 1789. Like new. Hasn't been read in years, at least three years. Or get a limited supply of Ivanka's fashions (links to Amazon via associate link). Exclusive deals only on the president's Oval Office Shopping Network. Huge sale, over 70% off! Presidential dinnerware from looser past presidents. Someone must want this old stuff piled up in storage. Everything that isn't Donald is being sold! Forget that boring virus and mumbo jumbo scientists, the Oval Office fire sale is on now, don't miss it.
The COVID committee says NOW is the time to panic shop! Get to the malls and spend! Ice cream, fresh seafood and KitKat bars expected to sell out first. Followed by paper towels, spray paint and peanut butter crackers. Sell your stock. Buy more stock. The NASDAQ is at an all-time high, or low. Order sushi and don't pay. Wear a mask! Wash your hands! Run with scissors.
And most important, panic! Stay tuned for a pep rally from the president's COVID committee. Panic shopping at the White House Labor Day Flash Sale! First eight thousand registered voters with a valid ID will get a free USB flash drive with any purchase from the president's Oval Office Shopping Network. Own a genuine original copy of the Constitution of United States of America from 1789. Like new. Hasn't been read in years, at least three years. Or get a limited supply of Ivanka's fashions (links to Amazon via associate link). Exclusive deals only on the president's Oval Office Shopping Network. Huge sale, over 70% off! Presidential dinnerware from looser past presidents. Someone must want this old stuff piled up in storage. Everything that isn't Donald is being sold! Forget that boring virus and mumbo jumbo scientists, the Oval Office fire sale is on now, don't miss it.
GAMER NEWS Just In — the new edition of PC Gamer reports that “COVID-20” has a launch date of November 4th and it will launch in 5K and in VR. Is it REALITY OR SURREAL television? Stay tuned for updates as we dream them.
THIS IS A PARODY OF NEWS
