ACME fails in roadrunner kits

ACME stores have opened up in several locations. Naturally our crack news team thought this was in response to the population growth of urban and suburban coyotes.  Just for fun we went shopping for rockets, boulders and even anvils in multiple ACME Market stores with no success.

Not ready to admit defeat, we turned to their website and had the same negative results. Who calls themselves ACME and carries absolutely no Roadrunner capture kits?

c

ACME store management had no comment and calls to their corporate office were not returned.

THIS IS A PARODY OF NEWS

Read More

Ladies wait 5 times longer for toilets, even in outer space

Bathroom queues are much longer for the ladies than the men, and nobody seems to care!

One would think that a place like NASA could fix the toilet line crisis by building more toilets for women.

A spokesperson for  NASA was a bit frazzled when the recent press conference about an all woman space walk shifted to bathroom queues and the 5 hour zero gravity bathroom line orbiting Earth.

NASA explained toilet lines move faster on larger planets so if you really got to go, go to Jupiter.

THIS IS A PARODY OF NEWS

Read More

Forget Pumpkin Spice, try the CBD Guac and Chips

It's that time of year when everything oozes pumpkin spice.  If you can imagine it, it has the scent.

Aspen CBD company Toast may have jumped the shark with their pumpkin spice CBD oil. They were planning on being the new patchouli for the Millennial music fans this fall season. Millennials said so long to their pumpkins and are literally lining up at one taco joint in El Paso for their Day-of-The-Dead CBD Guacamole dip.  Our El Paso reporter has met people who traveled from Louisiana, Arkansas and Illinois for the chips and guac.

The guacamole is available as a dip with chips, and in tacos and burritos. Better get your orders in soon, this special dip is only available until the end of November.

THIS IS A PARODY OF NEWS 

#cbd #pumpkinspice #viper #grandmasrecipe #ordermorechips #guacamole

Read More

President Trump reacts to Turkey shelling our special forces

Trump's tweets in response to Turkey shelling our special forces!

THIS IS A PARODY OF NEWS

Read More

The Hottest Fast Foods Are Vegan!

Take a look at these boxed lunches.

Vegan menus are in the forefront and even taking over fast food menus.  McDonald's, Burger King and Taco Bell all offer meat free meals and are quite tasty.  Vegetarians can remember not too long ago when the only meatless option was a box of old tasteless pressed bean patties stuck in the back of the grocery store's freezer section.

Nestle's soon to be released 100% vegan, bacon cheeseburger is said to be quite tasty and as food technology evolves you can expect even more tasty vegan meals on the menu.

An unconfirmed source tells us that meatless meals are being made from billions of boxes being thrown out from Amazon shipping.

Everything tastes good with enough salt and ketchup.

After stripping the shipping boxes of labels and packing tape, they are sterilized and reprocessed into faux beef, faux chicken and even faux tofu meats.  Taste panels love the new vegan approved process and like even more that it recycles a billion boxes that were otherwise heading to a landfill.

We look forward to sampling the Katz Deli vegan Ruben sandwich next week. Vegan corned beef, sauerkraut and vegan Swiss cheese grilled up on vegan rye bread.

THIS IS A PARODY OF NEWS

Read More