Summer guests who won't leave

Our travel editor took a staycation and suddenly had 2 house guests who wouldn't leave. Here's his story, from a non-disclosed home with a pool, close to the beach. Believe me I'm trying to track down this summer resort.

Have you ever had friends or relatives that invite themselves to stay at your place for a night or two. After 3 or 4 days you are getting fed up with them? All the little things like using your bath towel, going out for a smoke and bringing in a new layer of stench of cigarettes each time, announcing he can't join you for the meal you are cooking him because his friends are in town and he didn't want to impose and invite them over, did I mention the stinky feet? We can swap house guest stories for hours so I'll stop there.

There is an answer to your house guest woes right in your local Home Improvement store!

For people who stopped by for lunch and don't know when to leave:

Mr. Clean Family Eraser

When it's going on a week and the family of 4 can't find the door you may need a more powerful hint. The stench of this should tick them off. It might take a second treatment before they flee.

Black Flag's FLEE AND TICK "It's what we do"

THIS IS A PARODY OF NEWS