Friday, April 1, 2011

iPads may cause second hand iBlindness

For years precautions have been urged for users of earpods to keep the volume down as they are at risk for hearing loss. Forget the iPod, dim down the iPad.

The Institute of Vision and Scent has expressed concern regarding the use of tablets, particularly the iPad, because of reflective light wavelengths generated by early morning sunlight bouncing off glossy screens, causing retinal damage and contributing to technology related blindness.

Reflective iPad light is 8000x brighter than the Sun
There has been over 63,000 reports of second-hand blindness injuries directly related to neglectful iPad usage. Most of these injuries typically occur in the early morning when pupils are dilated due to less light and longer shadows, allowing reflective light to enter deep into the eye, and damaging the retina.

iPad as a substitute for Natural light?
For years ophthalmologists have advised people to get outside natural light, without sunglasses or sun block, for a minimum of one hour a day and warns that reflective light is not a substitute for true natural light and "should absolutely be avoided." People who cannot get outside regularly need to equip their work areas with full-spectrum light fixtures.

Anti-reflective iPad?
Sure anti-reflective coatings will cut down on light injuries and there are numerous third-party vendors offering a solution, anti-reflective LCD screen guards. These films enable users to work on their iPad without accidentally blinding others, prices generally range between $7 and $15.

But Apple users love bright, shiny objects and adding a matt finish is contrary to the company's Shiny Product Management (SPM) roadmap. Renegade News left messages for Apple but did not hear back about a plan to offer tablets with a Matt finish display in the iFuture. Happy April Fool's Day.

from Renegade News - the news we twist to fit
THIS IS A NEWS PARODY

Monday, February 7, 2011

AOL acquires The Huffington Post - offers free HuffPost diskettes

AOL Inc. [NYSE:AOL] announced that it has entered into a definitive agreement to acquire The Huffington Post, the influential and rapidly growing news, analysis, and lifestyle website founded in 2005, with millions of monthly visitors.


AOL Diskettes: Free Access to Huffington Post
A direct mail campaign with AOL diskettes etches a leap in the evolution of digital journalism and online engagement by guaranteeing free news access via diskette for the foreseeable future. No official word on Huff Post becoming a pay service, or of any direct mail campaign was available when this article was first published.

THIS IS A NEWS PARODY

Sunday, January 16, 2011

Starbucks' Introduces New Medusa Logo and Four Speciality Items

Have you bought a cup of *bux joe with the new icon?  The buzz on the street, "Starbuck's changes logo to Medusa" is rocking across the country and the world. According to a reliable source at an disclosed coffee shop in Toledo, Ohio, Medusa, the mythical Greek character, was chosen because it is more inline with a greater plan for global domination by Starbucks CEO Howard Schultz. And coincides with a soon to be made announcement of new caffeinated products.

There is backlash to dropping the Starbucks’ mermaid, or “Siren” icon, thousands of Facebook users protested changing the image to Medusa and a blog urged business executives to boycott the coffee until the Siren returns. Starbucks’ move also comes at a time when U.S. companies are relying more heavily on foreign sales, and a logo based on a controversial Greek character may not sit well in emerging markets.

Versace, who has a similar logo, stated "there are so many mythical characters, why Medusa? Look at Roman mythology, leave us Medusa." And no confirmation of plans for a chain of Versace Cafes.

Starbucks is expected to launch many new products in 2011. Our sources confirmed there are at least 9 new items and revealed these four:
  • Truffa - A new smaller and slightly more expensive, but much cooler, size cup with a larger Starbucks logo.
  • Bitta - A mildly caffeinated bottled water with the signature burnt coffee taste.
  • Joos - A dehydrated yellow powder when added to water gives the appearance of Orange Juice but with the signature burnt coffee taste. 
  • Phul - Single serving pouches of upscale (read "expensive") instant coffee, which will target the over 80 Nescafe and Sanka audience.
THIS IS A PARODY OF NEWS
***

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Burlington Coat Factory planned in Buraidah, Saudi Arabia

Buraidah, Saudi Arabia: An unidentified investment group is planning on converting a mosque in Buraidah, Saudi Arabia into a department store, possibly a Men's Warehouse.  

Locals said the development group has no right to build a mega department store and will be refused permits. A spokesmodel for the developers say it is not a department store, only a distribution center for other planned stores in Saudi Arabia. It just happens to have a retail area which sells clothing and accessories.

  ► 
Why prohibit the clothing chain from opening in Saudi Arabia? An official from Buraidah explains "it is not as much as they sell clothing prohibited in our country as much as retail stores represent capitalism and capitalism represents greedy American capitalists and therefore should be prohibited in the kingdom." 

this is a parody of the news 

Thursday, July 8, 2010

The Ballad Of BP's Tony Hayward - song parody

PARODY song
The Ballad Of BP's Tony Hayward
based on the tune Jed Clampett by Lester Flatt and Earl Scruggs


Renegade News! The News We Twist To Fit