Easy EZ Scam. Driver alert.

DRIVERS BEWARE!  There is a scam going on along New Jersey highways that could cost you in big fines.

Unauthorized vendors are selling 'easy' buttons to unsuspecting motorists at $40 promising flat rate for all future tolls.  We want to get the word out, this is not true and will cost you  in heavy fines for skipping tolls.  The fakes are round, red and say "easy" the real pass says "ezpass", rectangular and isn't a fake.  A source at AAA tells us there are an estimated 20 thousand drivers with red "easy" buttons on their windshields.  If you have any doubts visit the New Jersey EZPass page.


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MPAA Releases New Movie Ratings

Hold onto your nachos, you're about to see some new movie ratings this Christmas. The Motion Picture Association of America (MPAA) is releasing new movie ratings starting with the holiday films.

The MPAA film-rating system is used in the United States and its territories to rate a film's suitability for certain audiences, based on its content. The MPAA rating system is a voluntary scheme that is not enforced by law; films can be exhibited without a rating, though many theaters refuse to exhibit non-rated or NC-17 rated films. Non-members of MPAA may also submit films for rating.

There were numerous factors that led to the additional rating systems including a study by the Annenberg Public Policy Center which found that stupidity in films since 1985 has quadrupled in frequency. The number of scripts of total garbage, the study found, has reached a critical point. Therefore you will see the OM-FG rating on many upcoming films.

Some science fiction films have a cult-like following and fans have been known to worship the characters, going as far as seeing the film dozens of times wearing full costume. These films will have the NCC-1701 rating.

It's never a pleasant experience to be around a bunch of  old hippies still living in 1972 when they are jarred back to reality.  Don't even start to tell them that Jerry passed away.  Nothing ruins the cinema like someone freaking out in the audience.  For these aging hipies the rating PG-54 will be added to films that may be too harsh for the hippy mind to process in real time.

And the last rating to be added for Christmas is the "W" rating.  A potpourri of people, a gumbo of freaks.  Be warned that the "W" rating is for Weirdos.

We surveyed 100 theaters in the greater Detroit area about the additional ratings and an overwhelming majority of them were anxious to see the new ratings added to the system.

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Theologists celebrating discovery of lost religion

Theologists are celebrating their recent discovery of a lost religion. What scholars had written off as lost a long time ago was discovered, quite by accident, thriving in New York City. The Procrastenazi Apatharian religion is alive and living in Brooklyn, New York.

Procrastenazi Apatharian, also known as Procrastenazi Apats or simply Procrastenazis, are a Apatharian ethnic division who coalesced as a distinct community of Apatharians in the Holy Roman Empire around the end of the 1st millennium. The traditional language of Procrastenazi consists of various shrugs and single word grunts such as “Yup”, “Dunno”, and “Naw”.

They established communities throughout Eastern and Central Europe, which had been their primary region of concentration and residence until recent times, but they’ve been meaning to move for several decades.  The Apatharian Procrastenazi do not have a whole lot of documented history, and those interviewed didn’t really care. Only by sheer accident are portions of their history are recorded.

A 5 year search determined that the Procrastenazi have made "no remarkable contributions to humanity" and while European culture doesn’t ignore them, they tend not to be noticed.  A substantial number of Procrastenazi have a literature, art, music or science background, but never applied their knowledge in society

It is estimated that in the 11th century Procrastenazi Apatharians composed about three percent of the world's Apatharian population, while at their peak in 1931 they accounted for 92 percent of the world's Apats.

We spent a day with a Procrastenazi family who did noting remarkable all day, nobody could care whether it was night or day. We questioned the family if perhaps some family historic documents may be stored in their attic; the elderly parents agreed to look for it next week.

We walked the neighborhood and household after household told the same story. They’ve been meaning to take some photos, write things down and do something–but just never got around to it.

Next week we hear the story of a family on Prozac.

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Hospital Acquired Infections (HAI): An untapped profit center

As Hospitals look inward for new business, elevator buttons are realized as a revenue generator.

Skit Tjänsten, a leading patient management group, recently concluded a 5 year study on medical facility lost profits.

The goal of the study was to balance the number of patients checking out (ie: lost business) with new business.  Hospital Acquired Infections (HAI) was determined to be the most affordable technique.

The campaign Elevinate is rolling out to industry journals and trade shows. When loved ones come visit a hospital they rarely contribute to the profit.  Now friends and family members are infected and become customers or patients. According to Skit Tjänsten's Director of North America Infectious Disease, this will balance out the negative impact that cures and healing has on the bottom line.

Infection is quick and usually unnoticed for days.

Most standard elevator panels are already designed to facilitate bacterial transmission. The objective of this campaign is to increase the prevalence of bacterial colonization on elevator buttons in large urban hospitals.

During development, test swabs were taken from 2 interior buttons (buttons for the ground floor and one randomly selected upper-level floor) and 2 exterior buttons (the “up” button from the ground floor and the “down” button from the upper-level floor).  The results were fantastic. The colonization of elevator buttons was 61% (95% confidence interval 52%–70%). No significant differences in colonization prevalence were apparent in relation to location of the buttons, day of the week, or panel position within the elevator. Coagulase-negative staphylococci were the most common organisms cultured, whereas Enterococcus and Pseudomonas species were infrequent. 

Conclusion: A low cost application of disease on hospital elevator buttons is projected to increase revenue; keeping beds occupied 23% more in 2016. All this will be done while keeping patient costs up.



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Does a shorter tweet affect your civil liberties?

Twitter, the social-media giant made popular by brief 140 character messages shared over the internet, is planning on cutting their Tweeters by 8%.  Depending on the math, rounding the fractions, the shorter tweets will be a max of 129 or 130 characters after the reorganization.

Our Wall Street sources told us on Tuesday morning that Twitter's CEO tweeted a DM to employees who will be eliminated in the process, "SMH OMFG you R SOL GTFO."

"We feel strongly that our giant servers will move much faster with a smaller and nimbler tweet," company officials tell us.

Tech blog Re/code reported last week that restructuring was coming as a result of Twitter becoming "too bloated." The company had recently been talking about longer tweets, paragraphs were mentioned -- but Twitter's core user base can't form a sentence and offering paragraphs will only intimidate longtime, loyal users. Civil liberties groups have called out a number of laws on the subject for potentially violating the First Amendment because they say nobody can tweet a good rant in just 130 characters.

Investors liked the 8% news: Twitter shares were up about 3 percent in early trade Tuesday.

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