He leaves chaos and fear in his wake. Donald Trump staffers always wondering, "what's next?" Earlir this week, our Renegade News Science Reporter spent 22 hours with the president and hasn't fully recovered yet.
A very busy Tuesday in Washington, DC.
Making America Great Again, isn't an easy job that many appreciate. But the job comes with a cool red cap so Don thought, why not. Nobody could do a better job staying focused like a laser beam on the dashboard of a 1958 Oldsmobile driving down a gravel road with a broken suspension and three screaming kids in the back seat. Screaming kid #1 asking for "facts", #2 wants "scientific evidence" and Don has no idea what the third child is whining about. What are "Constitutional laws?"
Some days are harder than others. Don is always happy that Air Force One has been to Florida so many times, it can practically fly itself to Palm Beach. And in two hours, he's relaxing on the astroturf, puttering a few rounds of goonie golf. Always a winner. Don is the best goonie golfer in America. Ask any golfer.
ECONOMIC OUTLOOK
Don is very proud of how he turned around the economy. The Fake News doesn't mention his accomplishments in the economy.
Factish: The stock market hasn’t seen a movement like this since since Bach's Brandenburg Concertos collection in 1047. So passionate. Donald feels so passionate about economics that he's known to shut down the government if his ideas are rejected. That says economic smarts like nobody's business.
EMPLOYMENT
And the job future is looking fantastic. Dollar General is hiring. Walmart is hiring. Manufacturing is booming. Manufacturing jobs everywhere-food prep is filed as manufacturing. Food assembly line jobs. Hiring.
TELEVISION RATINGS
Ratings up, up, up.
The Trump Press Conference show is so great. In fact, President Trurmp just signed for 16 more episodes of the press conference. Great show. Very entertaining. Watch Trump on FOX.
Why FOX?
FOX is respectful and knows how to be a guest in someone's home. A FOX reporter knows what a softball question is and when to toss one.
NEWSPAPER RATINGS
Donald doesn't read newspapers. He has a lot on his mind and uses FOX and Twitter. Newspaper ratings don't matter. Nobody reads. Use Twitter to get the word right from the Trump Rump.
SOCIAL MEDIA
3:40 AM — Don is still #1 on Facebook and has 2.4 trillion followers on Twitter.
Follow @realDonaldTrump on Twitter. President Trump spends a lot of time wordsmithing his great tweets. Don's natural leadership and intellect shine through in every tweet. Don's Tweets are sharp and focused. No Fact Check required. Never fact check. Waste of time. Speaking of sharp and focused, crazy Joe @JoeBiden finally got the big endorsement from ex-president Barack Obama. If Obama was such a great president, why didn't he have a pandemic team? Maybe he did. Maybe he didn't. I'm talking about his endorsement for Joe Biden now.
On Twitter:
@BarackObama
For all of us who love this country and are willing to do our part to make sure it lives up to its highest ideals – now’s the time to fight for what we believe in. Join us at http://JoeBiden.com. And I’ll see you on the campaign trail as soon as I can.
Sad. Such a boring tweet. Needs spice. Bland tweet. YAWN. Anyway, Donald Trump has more followers and retweets than anyone on earth. More than Santa Claus and Jesus combined. Donald tweets a lot of fantastic things on social media. Yes fantastic. So dedicated. Donald is awake most of the night sharing his knowledge on twitter. 165,283,542 retweets. Just sayin'. Jump on the Trump Rump. Dollar General has jobs!
Don is blessed to have bankruptcy and medical experts in his family. No need for panic. Ivanka has a plan to restart the economy, it starts with her clothing brand. Made in the USA, or China, or wherever, not important. A three prong approach. Buy Ivanka's fantastic clothing. Stay at the glamorous Trump hotels and enroll in Trump University. Money will flow and everything else will heal itself.
SURPRISE WEDNESDAY
Tune in tomorrow for Wednesday’s episode when Donald announces a big surprise! A multi talented star is joining Donald J’s science and medical leadership team. He thinks America will be very pleased with the new leader of medicine and science. Just a tiny hint. Famous person who everyone will recognize. Fabulous Emmy Award winner who played an astronaut and a doctor and has been studying for this role for over a month! So qualified. So very qualified. I can’t wait to see the rocket ship that Space Force will use to save humanity. It’s huge and painted a beautiful blue to match the blue sandals from Ivanka Trump’s Isolation-19 line of footwear. Donald Trump, Jr. and Eric Trump were hand picked by NASA, and approved by Congress, to fly the rocket into the sun and save Earth. Tune in Wednesday!!!
Remember, wear a mask and wash your hands. Don won’t wear masks or use soap and water because his sensitive skin turn orange and peels if washed too often. Very beautiful skin.
THIS IS A PARODY OF NEWS
See also: Sarcasm.
NOUN
The use of irony to mock or convey contempt.
‘his voice, hardened by sarcasm, could not hide his resentment’
sarcasm/ˈsärˌkazəm/ /ˈsɑrˌkæzəm/
