Wednesday, December 9, 2015

MPAA releases new movie ratings for 2016
Hold onto your nachos, you're about to see some new movie ratings this Christmas. The Motion Picture Association of America (MPAA) is releasing new movie ratings starting with the holiday films.
The MPAA film-rating system is used in the United States and its territories to rate a film's suitability for certain audiences, based on its content. The MPAA rating system is a voluntary scheme that is not enforced by law; films can be exhibited without a rating, though many theaters refuse to exhibit non-rated or NC-17 rated films. Non-members of MPAA may also submit films for rating.

There were numerous factors that led to the additional rating systems including a study by the Annenberg Public Policy Center which found that stupidity in films since 1985 has quadrupled in frequency. The number of scripts of total garbage, the study found, has reached a critical point. Therefore you will see the OM-FG rating on many upcoming films.

Some science fiction films have a cult-like following and fans have been known to worship the characters, going as far as seeing the film dozens of times wearing full costume. These films will have the NCC-1701 rating.

It's never a pleasant experience to be around a bunch of  old hippies still living in 1972 when they are jarred back to reality.  Don't even start to tell them that Jerry passed away.  Nothing ruins the cinema like someone freaking out in the audience.  For these aging hipies the rating PG-54 will be added to films that may be too harsh for the hippy mind to process in real time.

And the last rating to be added for Christmas is the "W" rating.  A potpourri of people, a gumbo of freaks.  Be warned that the "W" rating is for Weirdos.

We surveyed 100 theaters in the greater Detroit area about the additional ratings and an overwhelming majority of them were anxious to see the new ratings added to the system.

THIS IS A PARODY OF NEWS and has not yet been rated

Saturday, November 14, 2015

Theologists celebrating discovery of lost religion
Theologists are celebrating their recent discovery of a lost religion. What scholars had written off as lost a long time ago was discovered, quite by accident, thriving in New York City. The Procrastenazi Apatharian religion is alive and living in Brooklyn, New York.

Procrastenazi Apatharian, also known as Procrastenazi Apats or simply Procrastenazis, are a Apatharian ethnic division who coalesced as a distinct community of Apatharians in the Holy Roman Empire around the end of the 1st millennium. The traditional language of Procrastenazi consists of various shrugs and single word grunts such as “Yup”, “Dunno”, and “Naw”.

They established communities throughout Eastern and Central Europe, which had been their primary region of concentration and residence until recent times, but they’ve been meaning to move for several decades.  The Apatharian Procrastenazi do not have a whole lot of documented history, and those interviewed didn’t really care. Only by sheer accident are portions of their history are recorded.

A 5 year search determined that the Procrastenazi have made "no remarkable contributions to humanity" and while European culture doesn’t ignore them, they tend not to be noticed.  A substantial number of Procrastenazi have a literature, art, music or science background, but never applied their knowledge in society

It is estimated that in the 11th century Procrastenazi Apatharians composed about three percent of the world's Apatharian population, while at their peak in 1931 they accounted for 92 percent of the world's Apats.

We spent a day with a Procrastenazi family who did noting remarkable all day, nobody could care whether it was night or day. We questioned the family if perhaps some family historic documents may be stored in their attic; the elderly parents agreed to look for it next week.

We walked the neighborhood and household after household told the same story. They’ve been meaning to take some photos, write things down and do something–but just never got around to it.

Next week we hear the story of a family on Prozac.


Thursday, October 15, 2015

Hospital Acquired Infections (HAI): An untapped profit center

As Hospitals look inward for new business, elevator buttons are realized as a revenue generator.

Skit Tjänsten, a leading patient management group, recently concluded a 5 year study on medical facility lost profits.

The goal of the study was to balance the number of patients checking out (ie: lost business) with new business.  Hospital Acquired Infections (HAI) was determined to be the most affordable technique.

The campaign Elevinate is rolling out to industry journals and trade shows. When loved ones come visit a hospital they rarely contribute to the profit.  Now friends and family members are infected and become customers or patients. According to Skit Tjänsten's Director of North America Infectious Disease, this will balance out the negative impact that cures and healing has on the bottom line.

Infection is quick and usually unnoticed for days.

Most standard elevator panels are already designed to facilitate bacterial transmission. The objective of this campaign is to increase the prevalence of bacterial colonization on elevator buttons in large urban hospitals.

During development, test swabs were taken from 2 interior buttons (buttons for the ground floor and one randomly selected upper-level floor) and 2 exterior buttons (the “up” button from the ground floor and the “down” button from the upper-level floor).  The results were fantastic. The colonization of elevator buttons was 61% (95% confidence interval 52%–70%). No significant differences in colonization prevalence were apparent in relation to location of the buttons, day of the week, or panel position within the elevator. Coagulase-negative staphylococci were the most common organisms cultured, whereas Enterococcus and Pseudomonas species were infrequent. 

Conclusion: A low cost application of disease on hospital elevator buttons is projected to increase revenue; keeping beds occupied 23% more in 2016. All this will be done while keeping patient costs up.


Tuesday, October 13, 2015

Does a shorter tweet affect your civil liberties?

Twitter, the social-media giant made popular by brief 140 character messages shared over the internet, is planning on cutting their Tweeters by 8%.  Depending on the math, rounding the fractions, the shorter tweets will be a max of 129 or 130 characters after the reorganization.

Our Wall Street sources told us on Tuesday morning that Twitter's CEO tweeted a DM to employees who will be eliminated in the process, "SMH OMFG you R SOL GTFO."

"We feel strongly that our giant servers will move much faster with a smaller and nimbler tweet," company officials tell us.

Tech blog Re/code reported last week that restructuring was coming as a result of Twitter becoming "too bloated." The company had recently been talking about longer tweets, paragraphs were mentioned -- but Twitter's core user base can't form a sentence and offering paragraphs will only intimidate longtime, loyal users. Civil liberties groups have called out a number of laws on the subject for potentially violating the First Amendment because they say nobody can tweet a good rant in just 130 characters.

Investors liked the 8% news: Twitter shares were up about 3 percent in early trade Tuesday.


Friday, September 11, 2015

The pros and cons of FedEx using cheaper alien technology
The shift in consumer preference toward slower/lower-cost delivery options have contributed to the birth of 51Ex, a budget delivery option introduced by FedEx that possibly uses Area51 alien technology. 51Ex transports packages from a local source point directly to a delivery truck already en route to the residential consumer. As good as this sounds, the science fiction solution carries risks, mainly due the technology failing 40% of the time, and most of the successful teleportations land up as an unidentifiable mangled package. But consumers are readily accepting late and lost as the tradeoff for cheap or free shipping on their ecommerce transactions.

Let's consider the risk of late & lost as the new norm, and why it matters to FedEx. 51Ex has three principal risks, each related to using of alien tech for delivery:


There is no information available on the transportation technology being used, some say it doesn't even exist.  Since Area51's primary purpose is publicly unknown, and secretive in nature, traditional package tracking is unavailable, which could be a cause concern for the consumer.

Quality control

Second, ensuring customer satisfaction is a key component of protecting the brand name of FedEx. The company worked hard to set the standard for customer expectations in the shipping industry, and the 51Ex "Late Lost" tag could bleed over and create negative backlash on established premium delivery options.

With the value of global trade now at more than $18 trillion, FedEx has continued transforming its business to better align with projected worldwide population and economic growth. One key to that has been the acquisition of transportation companies that allow them to directly serve specific markets and provide better service, but the new 51Ex may be here before its time.  Essentially, packages are scanned, encoded, dematerialized to anti-matter, teleported, rematerialized and delivered anywhere in the world, the same day, usually within 30 minutes. But 40% of parcels are lost in vaporware.  It's somewhat concerning for investors that FedEx will rely on secret imperfect alien technology risking consumer deliveries.

Increasing competition

As the world we live in continues to change, so does FedEx. With that in mind, you can be sure the spirit of FedEx innovation is hard at work delivering a brighter, better future for the universe. But when FedEx reported that 51Ex volume declined 7% in the second quarter, there was no explanation. Critics claim the service sucks, and free isn't going to win in the long run.  As of today, quality of 51Ex remains uncertain and a growing concern of consumers.

The takeaway

51Ex carries risks due to this secret partnership, but the service does not contribute a significant amount to the total profitability for FedEx.  As such, FedEx could probably stomach some take a wait-and-see approach to acceptability.

The question for FedEx is whether they want to carry on increasing shipping volumes, and carry the risks outlined above, or rein in volume growth by trying to shift retailers from cheapest way to their traditional, more reliable, Earth based offerings.

Science and Logistics state that management teams shouldn't focus too much on expanding their budget brands, and instead try to maximize profitability and maintaining high quality in their ground operations via being selective in their acquisitions and the partnerships they form.


Tuesday, September 8, 2015

Recharge your Tesla from an iPhone at 80 Km/h
This week Schlockcharge was officially launched in 4 European countries, connecting Tesla drivers in the Netherlands, Germany, Switzerland, and Austria to their cell phones in a brand new way. Mobile phone consumers in these newly-energized countries can now enjoy convenient, electric trips on the German Autobahn and to destinations in the Alps and elsewhere thanks to the Schlockcharge App.

The SCHLOCKCHARGE App can charge an automobile in 20 minutes
Schlockcharge is the first mobile application to power a Tesla totally from a cell phone.   As of today, over 200,000 motorists are charging their electric cars via iOS and Android in Europe. More than 11 million kilowatts have been transferred from mobile device to Tesla and nearly 1.19 million liters of gas have been offset.

The technology to charge electric cars via mobile represents a new milestone in the expansion of the electric European car network. In Germany, Schlockcharge has been certified to work in Cologne, Frankfurt, Stuttgart and Munich. In the Netherlands, the app is still being beta tested and expected authorized to charge cars from Amsterdam to Cologne and Brussels by November.

Schlockcharge lead product manager, Hans Van Houten, says that “By the end of 2016, 60 percent of all smartphone users who own electric cars [in these 4 countries], will be charging their autos via a mobile application” and goes on to say, “Shlockcharge is substantially more powerful than any charging technology to date, with the exception of a conventional cable to power source, and the typical car will use 120 kilowatts of DC (Direct Current) power per charge originated in the Smartphone.”

Astoundingly, all smartphones we tested for this article, including iPhone 5, iPhone 6 and Samsung Galaxy Note Edge,  fully charged a Tesla battery with under 10% life remaining in under 20 minutes. And if two phones running the App are plugged into a car, in tandem, it will fully charge a dead car battery in under 10 minutes.

Van Houten says a full release of the App across Europe is expected by year's end and introduced to the United States and Canadian markets in 2016.


Monday, August 24, 2015

ATM Network distributes free MP3 Music

According to some infotainment program, the same ATM that gives you money, also can give you free music.

To take advantage of the free music download, enter your PIN # as 8675309.  If you are prompted to enter only 4 digits as the PIN, ignore that and enter 8-6-7-5-3-0-9.  You will be prompted to select a song from the daily download offers, grouped by genre. This service is restricted to one MP3 download a day.

Other features you may not have seen but are possible via an ATM:
  • Email receipts - no more bulge in your pocket, via paperless banking you receive instant receipts via email.
  • Cardless ATM access - use NFC (Near Field Communication) technology via cell phone at compatible machines.
  • Video Conferencing - The original use of an ATM was eliminating the need for a human teller to service a customer. Now ATMs are so complex they need a live human being to assist transactions via real-time video conferencing.
All ATMs carry the free music feature but typically will not promote it as hundreds of dollars in transaction fees may be lost.

Monday, August 17, 2015

Standardized height requirements for concerts (Editorial)

Should live music venus ban tall people?

It’s another Saturday night and you hear the call of the small, “hey you’re standing in front of me.”

A person is annoyed because they can’t see the band. It’s crowded. Everyone wants to see. Half the crowd wants to be up front on the rail. The room is jumping with music fanatics. They’re tall, short, fat and skinny.  It’s a concert.  People are dancing, poorly. And you hear that small voice again. Geez ya ain’t sitting on a sofa listening to a Kenny G disc in Kendall, Florida.  This is a standing room live show—if you can’t see, move your view. Find another spot.

At festivals, it gets worse. It’s not just standing in front, you’re also blocking a dozen canopy-sized ground tarps filled with public radio tote bags and merlot wine glasses. These people were ready to pounce at 6am. They grabbed that prime real estate when the gates opened. So what. It’s not Sunday afternoon at Buffy's pool party. It's a festival. People are going to be in front of you at times. Your tarps don't include air rights. No guaranteed views. Stay home and watch the webcast on your 58 foot jumbotron.

A new venue opening outside of Seattle has a zoned height policy so people must stand in specific areas of the venue, depending on their height. As of the date this was published, nobody five feet all can enter. It's just a configuration issue and officials are working to rezone the venue.  Other venues have a system that engages when the music stops between songs, rotates the crowds, so everyone can be up front, at one point.

So the question is obvious. Should there be a standard height to attend a concert? Does it vary by performance?

Step right up. Step right up. If you’re five foot, eleven and three quarters, $40 gets you in the door.  Keep moving. Have your ID ready. Keep moving. Stand up front. Stand in the rear. Everyone is taller. The show starts in an hour. Stand where you wanna.

See you at the next show, unless you see me first.


Tuesday, August 11, 2015

Exyzee app targets the embarrassing open fly
One of the better software innovations of the year is Exyzee. If you’ve ever been alerted X-Y-Z in a meeting, classroom or on the train, this hot new app is for you.

Designed to work with tiny computer chips already woven into clothing, the app running on your mobile device identifies your pants by a unique identification code embedded in the RFID chip and analyzes 3 factors. Wind velocity, room temperature and internal temperature. Using advanced technology borrowed from NOAA, Exyzee software determines zipper conditions.

Earlier versions of fly tracking failed because RFID technology was not yet available but using the existing hardware in your jeans, you can be alerted within 30 seconds of your pant conditions via text message or on the cell phone’s handset’s lock screen.

Future versions of Exyzee will include a dongle that attaches to the jeans allowing users to discretely swipe their screen and zip their fly.

One of the features in the app is the introduction of “gradual zipper notification” (GZN), which will redisplay alerts after a set period of time if they haven’t already been addressed. After the 5th text or push notification, Wireless Emergency Alerts (WEAs) are triggered on your mobile device indicating you better zip it up right now. The GZN alerts are disabled if the app detects you are driving or in a theater setting.

The app also includes an “auto-on” feature, which activates as soon as you put your handset into your pocket, and the developers have also used shake technology to avoid accidental alerts in the bathroom.

The app, originally released on iOS in January, is now available for any Android device. An iPad version is due out before Labor Day, to coincide with the beginning of the new school year.

Fact Sheet:  RFID Technology


Tuesday, June 16, 2015

Sea Turtle Rehab Center To Open In Times Square
This November, joining Spiderman, Sponge Bob, The Naked Cowboy and dozens of larger-than-life neon signs is a Sea Turtle Rehabilitation Center.

Few people know that Midtown Manhattan is the third largest sanctuary for the urban loggerhead sea turtle (Caretta urbana). The urban loggerhead is considered an endangered species and are protected by the International Union for the Conservation of Nature. Untended impact with taxi cabs are responsible for the most midtown loggerhead deaths, over 200 annually die by cab. Turtles may also suffocate if they are surrounded by crowds. This led Dr. Rubin Medico-Bufala to secure the 800,000 square foot space on two floors of a building near 41st Street and 7th Avenue to treat the urban loggerhead and release them to back the streets when healthy.

The majority of people living and working in New York City are unaware they coexist with urban sea turtles and walk past them every day. The population of endangered urban sea turtles has dwindled over the past 10 years, mainly due to increased vehicular traffic, 24 hour lighting and subwoofer reverberation. Disoriented turtles wander the streets, picking up discarded honey-roasted nuts and dirtwater dogs, resulting in heartburn and often a peptic ulcer. In contrast, healthy urban turtles have a bland vegetarian diet of a salad from Chop't and a chai iced tea.

Dr Medico-Bufala hired 100 struggling actors to treat sick street turtles at the soon-to-open rehabilitation center.

The turtles will also be taught coping skills to use when in a crowd. Coping with crowded places presents a challenge to many urban turtles and the hope is therapy before being released will lead to a healthier existance.

"We'll be taking every sea turtle to a few Broadway shows and educate them what happens when a turtle eats street meat, and of of most importance, these turtles will learn ten effective ways to get a buck out of a tourist" Medico-Bufala said.

"The greatest part about this is that the recruited actors are being educated on sustainability, they're learning about the protection of turtles, and they're learning why a healthy urban turtle diet is really important. "I think the really important part about this is the actors are making a step forward, we've got a lot of people coming to the training course. Some for a free hot breakfast or to be discovered, but most show an interest in urban sea life." Dr Medico-Bufala said if the long lines at the job fair is any indication, the turtle rehab center should be very successful. "It makes a huge difference having the triage center right where turtles are being injuried, in Midtown Manhattan, New York. Injured turtles can be treated close to their home and back on the street in days instead of being shipped south to Florida or Mexico."


Wednesday, April 1, 2015

USB plug-n-pour water generator

The water crisis is over.  Hydrofax of Santa Clara just announced a USB based water generator.

The creators of USB water claim it isolates hydrogen atoms, bonds them to oxygen and produces water, from thin air.   Water has been flowing from prototypes in Southern California for several months.

California state legislators have kept a pretty low profile on approval, particularly with regard to costs. California is projected to run out of water in a few years and officials throughout the Southwestern United States have the opportunity to rule with water. Unlimited water from air deflates that power and puts everyone on an equal playing field. 

California is the ideal candidate for instant water, and the legislature should be supporting widespread use of USB generated water. Unfortunately, the history of failed environmental issues such as solar power rebates and other incentives leaves USB Water's acceptance in limbo.

Skeptics of the product feel the USB water generator will fail just as dehydrated water did in the 1990s.

Version h1.0 software of USB Water is in beta testing on Windows 8, iOS and Android platforms.  The full release is planned for October, with a beer and wine option expected in 2017. 


Sunday, January 18, 2015

seedless web - pot delivery with no seeds, no stems, no worries
Our Renegade News social media desk has seen a preview of tomorrow's web based delivery.  With legalization of marijuana comes enterprise. Seedless 420 Mon LLC is set up and ready to launch their "Seedless Web" service. At first glance it appears seedless stemmed from the popular seamless food delivery site but seedless stressed it did not grow out of the similar site and any similarities are a coincidence. Food delivery sites are ready to benefit when customers crave onion rings at 2am.

Seedless works with local guys in town and operates on a percentage of revenue. If you buy a $50 bag, $3 goes to Seedless.  Seedless plans to launch on April 20th in 5 cities: San Francisco, Portland, St. Louis, New York and Miami with a business plan to expand to 30 cities by 2016.