Eastern Airlines introduces SCP Planes

Budget minded Eastern Airlines began a new service which should reduce costs by as much as $56 million a month. Eastern is immediately replacing their fleet of DC-9 planes with the more efficient Snap, crackle, Pop (or SCP) planes. On command these planes, like the name implies will do the following:

• Snap into to separate pieces, allowing passengers to exit in a efficient and orderly manner
• Have break-way engine mounts, which Crackle, thus allowing fast and easy engine replacements
• And finally, Pop. If danger is detected by on board computers, the entire plane will explode

Eastern is very proud of its new fleet and predicts the SCP planes, exclusive to the airline, will increase ridership and fill the skies in the months to come.

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Don't Carry Mamma On The Plane / Vanity Signs Sweep Across Florida

According to reports from most major airlines, December 31st will be the last day you'll be able to bring your mother-in-law aboard a domestic airline as carry-on baggage...

Florida state law has a provision for stupid people causing accidents which allow roads to be named in their honor

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Coca Cola tries New Lure / Hart in the Running Again

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By now th enews is out, Gary Hart (D-Colorado) has resumed his presidental campaign. In a telephone interview...

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Blue Eyes brings Xmas to struggling family

Old Blue Eyes, Frank Sinatra, while reading a Washington newspaper ran across a story that touched his heart. Someone stole Christmas from a struggling single mother of four children. And Frankie's emotions sprang into action. The plan, according to Sinatra's publicity agent, is to have three elves arrive in Miami on Christmas Eve, dressed in the traditional Sinatra elf wardrobe consisting of black suit, white tie and matching shoes. The elves Guido, Tony and Alfonzo told Renegade News that they have an offer for the perpetrator that he can't refuse.

RENEGADE NEWS -- The News We Twist To Fit (tm)

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Reagan pulls prank on Gorbachev

Continuing with his tasteless jokes and poor timing, Ronald Reagan tried once again to entertain the country with his brand of humor. Early last week during the Summit meetings, Reagan had all his blood replaced with Folgers Decaffeinated Coffee. Was Reagan rich enough to fool even head of state Mikhail Gorbachev?

RENGADE NEWS -- The News We Twist To Fit (tm)

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Gorbachev meets with Reagan

Renegade News Washington correspondent told us earlier this week that day one of the summit meeting between Mikhail Gorbachev and President Ronald Reagan went off with only minor problems...

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