Sunday, January 18, 2009

Canadians suspected in US Airways 1549 crash

As salvage efforts to lift the US Airways jumbo jet out of the icy Hudson River continued yesterday, Vice President Dick Cheney was briefing President Bush about Canada's act of aggression. An undisclosed source tells Renegade News that Cheney insists that when the Airbus A320 was intercepted by Canada Geese three days ago, it was no accident.

The flight destined for Charlotte, North Carolina, collided with "big, dark-brown birds" within minutes after takeoff from LaGuardia Airport in New York on Thursday and both engines lost power.

Canada had thousands of sleeper cell Geese living in American cities and have been allegedly planning this strike for quite some time. It is reported that other birds were seen flapping in a celebratory fashion shortly after the the crash.

Our undisclosed source goes on to report that after the National Transportation Safety Board reviews webcam video and anonymous blog comments, it will be become clear that the birds, flying in an attack formation, were targeting the aircraft.

Some sources say President George Bush plans to retaliate by launching Turkeys (Meleagris ocellata) at Toronto, Montreal and Vancouver on Monday as his final act of President.

Today, President Bush and the Transportation Safety Administration (TSA) declared a no-fly zone for birds within 10 miles of all US Airports.

The Stupidest Things Ever Said by Politicians
by Ross Petras
Paperback: 288 pages