Sunday, July 3, 2022

Wordle Virus Spreads To All 50 States

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Wordle began innocently as a daily word game by a Brooklyn-based software engineer quickly spread across the country, like a virus. People grab their cell phones while still in bed, and many do this before their coffee. Their goal is to solve the day's word puzzle. 

Officials have expressed concern and worked with greedy pharmaceutical makers to quickly develop a vaccine to medicate the players against playing word puzzles, at least wait until they gulp down their coffee. 


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Saturday, July 2, 2022

Don't Say Gay in Florida

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Days after Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis signed into law a bill dubbed "Don't say gay" law the governor has declared the law includes everything rainbow. 

The law includes banning FOOD. Rainbow peppers are on the chopping block and Florida's Department of Agriculture is being trained to destroy these promiscuous peppers when found.

As many who opposed the bill stated, rainbow cookies which are a staple in Italian bakeries, are now contraband and will be confiscated.  Breakfast favorite, Fruity Pebbles, the cereal with fruit-flavored crisp rice cereal bits will be off shelves in 30 days.  Our calls to Post were not returned.


Billboards are going up next week to alert motorists of the law and report rainbows. DeSantis claims leftist liberals use rainbows sort of like on Batman when they shine the bat light in the sky.  

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Friday, February 25, 2022

Poutine invades Ukraine

  
Ukrainians are strong people very proud of their culture. When a country from another hemisphere show up with curds and gravy, it means war.

Poutine is a Canadian dish of french fries and cheese curds topped with a brown gravy. It emerged in Quebec, Canada, in the late 1950s in the Centre-du-Québec region.

Ukraine is putting up an intense resistance to keep their fries curd free.

UPDATE: Damn autocorrect. Putin, not poutin. Turns out this isn't about gravy or cheese curds.

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Tuesday, January 18, 2022

Cootie Shot 22

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The common cootie shot has been re-engineered to protect against SARS-CoV-2 aka the novel Coronavirus.

Coronaviruses (CoV) are a large family of viruses that cause illness ranging from the common cold and cooties to more severe diseases. A novel coronavirus (nCoV) is a new strain that has not been previously identified in humans.

To be fully effective wait about a week or so after the cootie shot is administered. The vaccine, known as “Cootie 22”, is given the same way as the original cootie shot, first used 65 years ago to protect children from getting the cooties from their pals on the playground. 

Vaccinated individuals must follow a strict protocol to stay protected when risk of exposure is evident.
  • Always carry your cootie card which identifies you as being vaccinated.
  • Have your vaccine card in hand and be ready to flash it when outdoors and you come within 6 feet of another person, or when entering an indoor establishment such as restaurants, libraries, government buildings, etc. 
  • If you think you were exposed, immediately shout “Cootie Shot” and simultaneously flash your card.
  • IF YOU LOSE YOUR COOTIE SHOT CARD you can temporarily go old school and pinch your arm while yelling “Cootie shot” 
COVID-19 is a serious worldwide pandemic and none of the information presented here is factual. Do not take this article serioiusly.  If you recently had a cootie shot, it ain't no good. Consult your healthcare provider regarding a COVID-19 vaccine.




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