Retire on bananas #ArtBasel

Buy a banana. Invest in your future. 

Amazon has bananas selling for 19¢, a fraction of Art Basel prices. Get them while they're green and watch its value quadruple right before your eyes.

Buy a  BANANA (links via Amazon Affiliates, where I may be paid commissions)




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Allergy Warning: May Contain Nuts

CAUTION … WARNING:  Allergy Warning: Comments may be made by nuts or traces of other nuts.

Renegade News makes no claims that our newsroom is allergy free.  Content is definitely handled by nuts during preparation and delivery.

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ACME fails in roadrunner kits

ACME stores have opened up in several locations. Naturally our crack news team thought this was in response to the population growth of urban and suburban coyotes.  Just for fun we went shopping for rockets, boulders and even anvils in multiple ACME Market stores with no success.

Not ready to admit defeat, we turned to their website and had the same negative results. Who calls themselves ACME and carries absolutely no Roadrunner capture kits?

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ACME store management had no comment and calls to their corporate office were not returned.

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Ladies wait 5 times longer for toilets, even in outer space

Bathroom queues are much longer for the ladies than the men, and nobody seems to care!

One would think that a place like NASA could fix the toilet line crisis by building more toilets for women.

A spokesperson for  NASA was a bit frazzled when the recent press conference about an all woman space walk shifted to bathroom queues and the 5 hour zero gravity bathroom line orbiting Earth.

NASA explained toilet lines move faster on larger planets so if you really got to go, go to Jupiter.

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Forget Pumpkin Spice, try the CBD Guac and Chips

It's that time of year when everything oozes pumpkin spice.  If you can imagine it, it has the scent.

Aspen CBD company Toast may have jumped the shark with their pumpkin spice CBD oil. They were planning on being the new patchouli for the Millennial music fans this fall season. Millennials said so long to their pumpkins and are literally lining up at one taco joint in El Paso for their Day-of-The-Dead CBD Guacamole dip.  Our El Paso reporter has met people who traveled from Louisiana, Arkansas and Illinois for the chips and guac.

The guacamole is available as a dip with chips, and in tacos and burritos. Better get your orders in soon, this special dip is only available until the end of November.

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#cbd #pumpkinspice #viper #grandmasrecipe #ordermorechips #guacamole

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President Trump reacts to Turkey shelling our special forces

Trump's tweets in response to Turkey shelling our special forces!

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The Hottest Fast Foods Are Vegan!

Take a look at these boxed lunches.

Vegan menus are in the forefront and even taking over fast food menus.  McDonald's, Burger King and Taco Bell all offer meat free meals and are quite tasty.  Vegetarians can remember not too long ago when the only meatless option was a box of old tasteless pressed bean patties stuck in the back of the grocery store's freezer section.

Nestle's soon to be released 100% vegan, bacon cheeseburger is said to be quite tasty and as food technology evolves you can expect even more tasty vegan meals on the menu.

An unconfirmed source tells us that meatless meals are being made from billions of boxes being thrown out from Amazon shipping.

Everything tastes good with enough salt and ketchup.

After stripping the shipping boxes of labels and packing tape, they are sterilized and reprocessed into faux beef, faux chicken and even faux tofu meats.  Taste panels love the new vegan approved process and like even more that it recycles a billion boxes that were otherwise heading to a landfill.

We look forward to sampling the Katz Deli vegan Ruben sandwich next week. Vegan corned beef, sauerkraut and vegan Swiss cheese grilled up on vegan rye bread.

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Tashlich gets warning from governors of 3 northeast states

On the first day of Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish New Year after the afternoon prayer, the congregation traditionally goes to a lake, river or sea (preferably a body of water that has fish), and recite the Tashlich prayers, wherein the people cast sins into the water and leave old shortcomings behind us, thus starting the new year with a clean slate.

Governors of Delaware, Maryland and Connecticut have engaged the National Guard as well as state police to enforce a no sin dumping law. Anybody with a suspicious bag of sins or attempt to lay down their burden will be stopped and interrogated.

One state leader, who asked to be misidentified as a FDA chemist, stated he has published proof that dumping any large concentration of sins into a river or lake creates a toxic environment for fish resulting in antisocial fish behavior and bullying.  The sin report states these sins can enter the water supply returning sins back to human beings in drinking water.

As of this publishing there were no reports of sin related arrests or fines and national guard troops are stepping down.  Maryland officials have an all-you-can-eat fish fry planned for this weekend at the Baltimore harbor waterfront to celebrate the clean water win. Details will be announced on local media.

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Avocado Toast Chicks (Peeps)

Avocado Toast Flavored Marshmallow Chicks

Avocado Toast Flavored Marshmallow Chicks bring savory and crunchy flavors together like never before to create an unforgettable, ‘millennially’ delicious taste experience. Available exclusively at Sears.

FIND 

Ingredients
SUGAR, CORN SYRUP, GELATIN, FUMARIC ACID, CITRIC ACID, PECTIN, CONTAINS LESS THAN 0.5% OF THE FOLLOWING: NATURAL AND ARTIFICIAL FLAVORS, POTASSIUM SORBATE (A PRESERVATIVE), BLUE #1, CARNAUBA WAX.

THIS PRODUCT CONTAINS NO AVOCADO 

FAT FREE.

GLUTEN FREE.

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Royal Caribbean's first aircraft, Master of the Skies

By Hannah

LONDON, UK, 1 April 2019 - Today, Royal Caribbean International has announced plans to take its travel experiences to extraordinary new heights with the launch of its first ever aircraft, Master of the Skies. Set to take to the skies in 2022, the first Cloud-class plane will offer guests the chance to enjoy many of the hallmarks of Royal Caribbean’s incredible cruise holidays, now at 35,000 feet in the air.

Onboard, VIP guests will experience leg room like never before in the Ultimate Family Suite, a favourite feature from Royal Caribbean’s latest ships. When the seatbelt sign comes off it’s time to turn on the fun; this kid-friendly paradise features a dedicated entertainment zone that hosts an air-hockey table, a floor-to-ceiling LEGO wall, and a library of video games across multiple gaming systems, as well as a whirlpool and dining area. The unique family suite in the sky is the ultimate first-class experience and has been meticulously duplicated from the world’s largest cruise ship Symphony of the Seas.

And, in a first of its kind, the Ultimate Family Suite will include a never before seen ‘slide in the sky’, affectionately named The Marvel, which will swirl and twirl its way through the double-decker cabin. The exclusive inclusion is inspired by the slide found in the Ultimate Family Suite onboard Symphony of the Seas, and will join Royal Caribbean’s impressive collection of slides across its fleet including the Ultimate Abyss and The Blaster, the world’s longest waterslide at sea.

Thrill seekers wanting to pilot their own adventure can enjoy a mile-high sky dive thanks to the exhilarating RipCord® by iFLY® skydiving simulator, borrowed from Anthem of the Seas for some gravity-defying fun. Those looking for in-flight refreshments can head to the Bionic Bar where they’ll be greeted by an unlikely cabin crew of robotic bar tenders; expect them to shake, stir and mix up the most technologically advanced aperitifs and customised cocktails, directly from the cockpit.

For those flying abroad to set off on their cruise, Master of the Skies will provide the most breath-taking transfer to kick-off the Royal Caribbean holiday from the moment they step on the plane.

Ben Bouldin, Managing Director Royal Caribbean International UK & Ireland, said: “We believe that every step of our guests’ holiday should be extraordinary and when the sky’s the limit, launching an aircraft was the natural next step! Some of our well-known and much-loved favourites have been ingeniously integrated, including the world’s first slide in the sky, and we look forward to the latest addition to our fleet taking to the skies in 2022.”

Source: royalcaribbean.co.uk/blog

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ULTRA Music affects Atlantic Ocean currents

Miami is cleaning up from a weekend of music but the oceans are still choppy. That deep hypnotic bass bellowing from Virginia Key this weekend affected the Atlantic Ocean currents and migrating sea life.

Satellite imagery shows deep water disturbances emitting from Miami Marine Stadium extending well beyond Bermuda.  The ripple is not expected to reach Europe.

Many marine organisms rely on their ability to hear for their survival. Sound is the most efficient means of communication underwater and is the primary way that many marine species gather and understand information about their environment. Many aquatic animals use sound to find prey, locate mates and offspring, avoid predators, guide their navigation and locate habitat, and listen and communicate with each other. Etymōtic Research is rumored to have a prototype porpoise hearing protection device in the works aka "pod protectors". Too late for Ultra but good for future waterfront events.

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Pizza, it's the smart choice for breakfast

Chelsey Amer, MS, RDN, CDN to The Daily Meal shook up breakfast when she told the Chicago Tribune that a slice of pizza is healthier than a bowl of cereal.

It's got protein. It's got carbs. It might even have vegetables. That hot slice of cheesy goodness is a balanced breakfast if we've ever seen one.

Cereal giants Quaker, General Mills and Kelloggs all scrambled to bake up their spin on breakfast pizza. Regional breakfast pizza options include Chicago style breakfast pizza, a loaf of bread in a box, while New York style breakfast pizza cereal is just the box.

Look for our potato mashup: French Fry vs Hash Browns coming soon.


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Government Shutdown Over! Saved $5 billion on Mexico wall replaced with a $1,597 patriotic ribbon!

Federal government workers missed their second paycheck today and funding for the president's $5.7 billion dollar wall still wasn't funded.

UPDATE: A low-cost alternative to the wall was presented to the president and accepted. A Patriotic Border Ribbon is awaiting review by the Government Accountability Office (GAO)  and should be streaming along the Rio Grande by February.

It's like gift wrapping the whole country!

Four out of five smugglers surveyed told us they would never cross such a beautiful symbol of freedom. The ribbon should be purchased and installed before the end of the month.

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