Should live music venus ban tall people?
It’s another Saturday night and you hear the call of the small, “hey you’re standing in front of me.”
A person is annoyed because they can’t see the band. It’s crowded. Everyone wants to see. Half the crowd wants to be up front on the rail. The room is jumping with music fanatics. They’re tall, short, fat and skinny. It’s a concert. People are dancing, poorly. And you hear that small voice again. Geez ya ain’t sitting on a sofa listening to a Kenny G disc in Kendall, Florida. This is a standing room live show—if you can’t see, move your view. Find another spot.
At festivals, it gets worse. It’s not just standing in front, you’re also blocking a dozen canopy-sized ground tarps filled with public radio tote bags and merlot wine glasses. These people were ready to pounce at 6am. They grabbed that prime real estate when the gates opened. So what. It’s not Sunday afternoon at Buffy's pool party. It's a festival. People are going to be in front of you at times. Your tarps don't include air rights. No guaranteed views. Stay home and watch the webcast on your 58 foot jumbotron.
A new venue opening outside of Seattle has a zoned height policy so people must stand in specific areas of the venue, depending on their height. As of the date this was published, nobody five feet all can enter. It's just a configuration issue and officials are working to rezone the venue. Other venues have a system that engages when the music stops between songs, rotates the crowds, so everyone can be up front, at one point.
So the question is obvious. Should there be a standard height to attend a concert? Does it vary by performance?
Step right up. Step right up. If you’re five foot, eleven and three quarters, $40 gets you in the door. Keep moving. Have your ID ready. Keep moving. Stand up front. Stand in the rear. Everyone is taller. The show starts in an hour. Stand where you wanna.
See you at the next show, unless you see me first.
THIS IS A PARODY OF NEWS
