Sunday, July 27, 2014

Leaked Tech from Apple and Google - new products coming soon
While sitting at a bar about 50 miles north of San Bernardino, California in Barstow a couple of over marinated engineers were slurring on about great new inventions at their respective companies.

The  Cupertino geek claimed Apple Inc. ($AAPL) is about to launch iDontcare, and the Googler was boasting about "Google Later" an invention that can catapult technology into another century.

Apple's iDontcare is the answer to data theft. It is estimated to be slightly smaller than an iPhone 5s, has 512 GB of very secure memory and will be priced under $100.

We are told the iDontcare has a lot packed into a small package, including a 15 metapixel camera, Earthworks ID-40 stereo microphones, 8 dB Bose speakers and the latest secure memory storage: Signetics Write Only Memory.  For Bitheads this is a fully encoded, 9046 X N chip set (PDF), for the non-technical just think: Perfect for sensitive data you don't want stolen.


Google Later from Google Labs ($GOOG) is an app that runs on both Apple and PC desktop computers, lets users upload photos into albums and write blog postings.  What makes Google Later unique is it does not operate on iOS, it does not operate on Android, actually it does not work on any mobile platform. Going one step further, Google Later even deactivates if it detects a computer is running on battery power.
"We wanted to introduce a product that discourage food porn, live blogging and streaming video while walking in Times Square--how many times do we need to see a geek photographing french fries on his iPhone?" 
The director of the Google Later project, who asked to remain anonymous, told us from his
3rd floor office in Mountain View, he is frustrated that social media is making the world anti-social. He paused, looked out the window of his office at a northeast view and confided that Google Later is already being shared with other industry leaders and expects the immediacy of upload to be squashed. "nothing gets uploaded if the time stamp on content is less than 5 hours old."

Google Later increases brain activity. It doesn't remind you where your car is parked and doesn't tell you what's happening 5 feet away from you. Google Later encourages users to interact with others and think for themselves.

In the spirit of Google Later, this article was written last week.


THIS IS A PARODY OF NEWS