Saturday, June 25, 2016

UK Brexit, and the Euro's Domino Effect

Economists Fear a European Domino Effect  

No one knows what happens next as the entire U.K. — including England, Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland — pulls away from the EU. As of this story going to press, 4 additional countries have drafted proposals to leave the euro—this is called a “domino effect,” and our Renegade News International Economic Reports see a trend that of the nineteen member countries currently on the Euro, ten will leave, and switch to using dominos as currency by 1-Sep-2016.


The impact of switching to a domino based currency will initially leave those countries with a destabilized economy, totally dependent upon their financial leaders' steady hand and artistry. On a positive note, Domino Tourism (DomiTouri) is expected to soar and ease concerns while in transition.

Using dominos for currency is not a new concept. It dates back to the ancient Aztec civilizations who used dominos years before the Spanish conquest. The use of dominos as money throughout the Colonial period (1521-1810) was accompanied by the use of Spanish coins. The Spaniards introduced pesos. Initially one domino was worth 1/8 of a peso. By 1545, in the Tlaxcallan market, 1 peso equaled 200 dominos. Dominos lost favor due to their bulk and were replaced by reales in 1560.


The euro (sign: €; code: EUR) is the official currency of the eurozone, which consists of 19 of the 28 member states of the European Union: Austria, Belgium, Cyprus, Estonia, Finland, France, Germany, Greece, Ireland, Italy, Latvia, Lithuania, Luxembourg, Malta, the Netherlands, Portugal, Slovakia, Slovenia, and Spain.

Derek and the Dominos were a blues rock band formed in the spring of 1970 by guitarist and singer Eric Clapton, keyboardist and singer Bobby Whitlock, bassist Carl Radle and drummer Jim Gordon.

THIS IS A PARODY OF NEWS

Friday, June 24, 2016

Elect Louie For President

Elect
Louie
for
President
in 2016



Vote for Louie.
Louie ain't no politician.
Louie is bigger & stronger than other world leaders.
Louie says stupid things, so I don't have to.

PLUS: Most important...
Louie is not running for office, so he's not a politician.

paid for by WTF Is Louie Campaign

Wednesday, May 11, 2016

Google self-driving minivan, don't get left behind

Google’s Self-Driving Minivan Could Give You Back Your Life



Who chose the minivan? Key players from Google, the Divide by Zero Parent Teacher Association and Fiat Chrysler were locked in a room until they decided on the right vehicle. When they emerged with their great product idea, it was a self-driving minivan, not quite the Homermobile we expected, but close.

Wait, but why a minivan?  Because the PTA went in demanding a mini-van and nobody has ever won an argument with the PTA, not even brilliant minds of Google or Chrysler.  Not ultra-sexy but there are attractive features that led them to use a minivan. Compared to early rumors of a self-driving Nissan 370Z, the Chrysler van packs in a ton of features, leaving a load of of room for a dozen screaming kids and Google’s tech equipment.

So at this point, unless you have a couple of kids or wore those ugly Google Glass contraptions in public, chances are an unmanned Google mini-van won't win you over. 

Already dubbed a DREAM CAR! This "Google Mobile" lets you sleep late, have a mimosa brunch, and take a nap while the minivan drives the kids to those insanely early morning activities.  Before you bite into a bagel, your kids are already half-way to soccer or little league! But will the kids be safe in that weird driverless vehicle? Yup, this car comes with Google’s longstanding goal of working with partners “to bring this technology into the world safely.”

Look out world, because all the old school bells and whistles of the traditional American auto manufacturer have been tossed aside. Forget the crayon box and floor mats and think technology and HVAC. The Divide by Zero PTA spoke up for the demands of today’s parents. 

Your kids won't cry for juice because the van has 3 flush mounted arrays of 12 USB outlets ready to power whatever the challenge, and unlimited juice. The brochure shows USB arrays are standard features.

You swear you will never do it again, but it will happen. That dreaded long drive. Whether an hour or 3,000 miles cross country. You will love the built in NFC passenger recognition system, that sets individual climate zones automatically to each passengers preference, for up to eight passengers.

You love your family but the screams got to stop. The PTA knows all about that which is why the sound dampening upgrade kit may be the most popular feature on the vehicle. The kit includes custom soundproofing, sound absorption and noise reduction materials. Peace and quiet.!

An upgrade that is not standard, but why not? You're already spending over $100,000 on a car you won't drive. Think about this on that cross-country drive. Upgraded HG vans have granite countertops, and a Viking 7 Series oven with ducted exhaust fan that gets everyone fed, in style and comfort.

The self-driving vans are expected to be released to a limited test group over the summer and road-ready by September.  Look for free in vehicle wifi in early 2016. The basic model retails for $129,900, but so worth it.

About DBZ School PTA
The Divide by Zero PTA (Parent Teacher Association) works to help ensure that all of our students have access to an excellent education and are enabled to meet their academic potential. The PTA enriches our school through financial support for classroom materials, field trips, assemblies, and art and music programming, and other programs. Through its focus on academic achievement, a strong sense of community, parent involvement, and parent education, the PTA is the cornerstone of an inclusive community where every member is appreciated and valued.


About Fiat Chrysler Automobiles
Fiat Chrysler Automobiles N.V. (“FCA”), the seventh-largest automaker in the world based on total annual vehicle sales, is an international automotive group. FCA is listed on the New York Stock Exchange under the symbol “FCAU” and on the Mercato Telematico Azionario under the symbol “FCA”.

About Google

Google Inc. was founded in 1998 by Sergey Brin and Larry Page to make it easier to find high-quality information on the web. The company is based on years of research in web search and data mining done by the founders in the Stanford University Computer Science Department. Google Inc.'s headquarters are located in scenic downtown Palo Alto, California.


THIS IS A PARODY OF NEWS

Wednesday, April 20, 2016

420 Day is Not a Legal Holiday

Despite popular belief, today is not a legal holiday. Get to work!

What is the meaning behind 420?

The origin of the term 420, celebrated around the world by pot smokers every April 20th, has long been obscured by the clouded memories of the folks who made it a phenomenon.

Depending on who you ask, or their state of inebriation, there are as many varieties of answers as strains of medical bud in California. It’s the number of active chemicals in marijuana. It’s teatime in Holland. It has something to do with Hitler’s birthday. It’s those numbers in that Bob Dylan song multiplied.



THIS IS A PARODY OF NEWS

Tuesday, April 5, 2016

4 hidden Excel 2016 functions that can save you time


Excel 2016 includes a number of hidden functions designed to help you cook the books.

We went to Excel headquarters division that specializing in desktop solutions and after a few non-specific bribes we were shown 4 new commands:

=FUDGE(Result,[arg1,arg2,arg3,…])
When you want to show a complex calculation, but force results

=SNARK([level of snarkness])
Displays a random sarcastic status

=BULLSHIT(Start cell:[End Cell})
Evaluates formulas, images, video and text. Returns a TRUE if it's all bullshit and locks the spreadsheet so you don't waste your time

=AUDIT()
Renamed to =PASSTHEBUCK()

Excel has benefited from a considerable makeover, and additions including snap functions and smart scrolling which make tapping in your spreadsheet data an easier process.        

You can download the suite right now. However, note that Office 2016 for Mac is only available to Office 365 users currently. Those looking to make a one-time purchase of the suite will have to wait for the boxed copy to emerge in September.

THIS IS A PARODY OF NEWS