Facebook's 2nd wave of emoji reactions

Facebook users around the globe have been waking up to an emotional roller coaster. The new Facebook 'Reactions" (a "Like" button extension) was welcomed by users loving, laughing and sharing angry or sad feelings.

The social network didn't stop there, just shy of a week since their worldwide rollout of the new expressions, they started to roll out phase two of  "Reactions."

STRONG DISLIKE

NON-RESPONSE

AKA: STOP ASKING ME TO 'LIKE' YOUR STUFF

I NEED MONEY

YOU'RE FULL OF SH*T

"People left feedback this week that they wanted to express apathy, very strong dislike, full of crap, or wealth via emoji," a senior level Facebook manager told Renegade News, and paraphrased Zuckerberg's mantra, "so we pushed an additional four, wtf we move fast and break things."

In October 2015, the company said it would expand its signature "Like" button with various reactions.  It may take a week or two for this batch of updates to propagate to all users.


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Finally a non-dairy, vegan friendly floor cleaner and it's kosher too

Non-Dairy, Lactose Free and Vegan Friendly Floor Cleaner

Mr. Clean took his personal battle public this week. For years the man behind household cleaners struggled with his lactose intolerance and worked many year with researchers to produce a vegan friendly non-dairy kitchen cleaner. Now Procter & Gamble has done it, and it's even kosher!

Attention lactose intolerant housekeepers. Now you can au pair without a care; your fear of that funky floor feeling is over. Now is the time to raise mops in celebration of a new line of dairy free deep cleaning floor care products.

Procter & Gamble Professional—the away-from-home division of Procter & Gamble, serving the foodservice, building cleaning and maintenance, hospitality and convenience stores industries—presents Lactose Intolerant Mr. Clean  kitchen & bath products, the ideal solution for fighting grime and dirt without the meat or milk.

The new lineup of dairy-free Mr. Clean offers solutions for a variety of  floorings, including:

• All Purpose, safe on all surfaces; swirled with non-abrasive vanilla bean specks. 
• Hardwood, a coffee tinted liquid with fudge chunks & caramel swirls
• Stone & Laminate, formulated with a bold crunchy peanut cleaner that leaves a brilliant chocolate sandwich shine.
• Carpet, lifts years of dirt from your rug using a banana cream base and walnut agitator. 

For years, Non-Dairy homeowners have had no choice but to envy the in-laws, unable to compete in America's favorite suburban pastime. Now it’s your turn America. Pull the rug out and wipe the smile off your in-law’s smug mug.

“Creating these new cleaners with a Non-Dairy base composition that meets the high expectations of suburban home dwellers was quite a challenge,” said Head Mopper Kirsten Relomo. “We wanted to bring the cleaning experience to Peoria and Pottsville, and we nailed it!”

The new line up is available in gallons (MSRP: $25.69). To learn more about non-dairy Mr. Clean or to find a store near you, visit bit.ly/1PFWRjF.   Procter & Gamble Pro says to look for the expanded line of cleaning products to include tub and tile, patio furniture and optical wipes. Due on shelves by July.


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Easy EZ Scam. Driver alert.

DRIVERS BEWARE!  There is a scam going on along New Jersey highways that could cost you in big fines.

Unauthorized vendors are selling 'easy' buttons to unsuspecting motorists at $40 promising flat rate for all future tolls.  We want to get the word out, this is not true and will cost you  in heavy fines for skipping tolls.  The fakes are round, red and say "easy" the real pass says "ezpass", rectangular and isn't a fake.  A source at AAA tells us there are an estimated 20 thousand drivers with red "easy" buttons on their windshields.  If you have any doubts visit the New Jersey EZPass page.


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MPAA Releases New Movie Ratings

Hold onto your nachos, you're about to see some new movie ratings this Christmas. The Motion Picture Association of America (MPAA) is releasing new movie ratings starting with the holiday films.

The MPAA film-rating system is used in the United States and its territories to rate a film's suitability for certain audiences, based on its content. The MPAA rating system is a voluntary scheme that is not enforced by law; films can be exhibited without a rating, though many theaters refuse to exhibit non-rated or NC-17 rated films. Non-members of MPAA may also submit films for rating.

There were numerous factors that led to the additional rating systems including a study by the Annenberg Public Policy Center which found that stupidity in films since 1985 has quadrupled in frequency. The number of scripts of total garbage, the study found, has reached a critical point. Therefore you will see the OM-FG rating on many upcoming films.

Some science fiction films have a cult-like following and fans have been known to worship the characters, going as far as seeing the film dozens of times wearing full costume. These films will have the NCC-1701 rating.

It's never a pleasant experience to be around a bunch of  old hippies still living in 1972 when they are jarred back to reality.  Don't even start to tell them that Jerry passed away.  Nothing ruins the cinema like someone freaking out in the audience.  For these aging hipies the rating PG-54 will be added to films that may be too harsh for the hippy mind to process in real time.

And the last rating to be added for Christmas is the "W" rating.  A potpourri of people, a gumbo of freaks.  Be warned that the "W" rating is for Weirdos.

We surveyed 100 theaters in the greater Detroit area about the additional ratings and an overwhelming majority of them were anxious to see the new ratings added to the system.

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Theologists celebrating discovery of lost religion

Theologists are celebrating their recent discovery of a lost religion. What scholars had written off as lost a long time ago was discovered, quite by accident, thriving in New York City. The Procrastenazi Apatharian religion is alive and living in Brooklyn, New York.

Procrastenazi Apatharian, also known as Procrastenazi Apats or simply Procrastenazis, are a Apatharian ethnic division who coalesced as a distinct community of Apatharians in the Holy Roman Empire around the end of the 1st millennium. The traditional language of Procrastenazi consists of various shrugs and single word grunts such as “Yup”, “Dunno”, and “Naw”.

They established communities throughout Eastern and Central Europe, which had been their primary region of concentration and residence until recent times, but they’ve been meaning to move for several decades.  The Apatharian Procrastenazi do not have a whole lot of documented history, and those interviewed didn’t really care. Only by sheer accident are portions of their history are recorded.

A 5 year search determined that the Procrastenazi have made "no remarkable contributions to humanity" and while European culture doesn’t ignore them, they tend not to be noticed.  A substantial number of Procrastenazi have a literature, art, music or science background, but never applied their knowledge in society

It is estimated that in the 11th century Procrastenazi Apatharians composed about three percent of the world's Apatharian population, while at their peak in 1931 they accounted for 92 percent of the world's Apats.

We spent a day with a Procrastenazi family who did noting remarkable all day, nobody could care whether it was night or day. We questioned the family if perhaps some family historic documents may be stored in their attic; the elderly parents agreed to look for it next week.

We walked the neighborhood and household after household told the same story. They’ve been meaning to take some photos, write things down and do something–but just never got around to it.

Next week we hear the story of a family on Prozac.

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