COVID-20, takes pandemic to the next level

As previously reported by Renegade News, nobody knows what to expect from the coronavirus or even how COVID-19 spreads. Experts are learning as they go.

 

That doesn't slow down the media frenzy. The sensational pandemic stories continue to sell newspapers.  TV news seduces viewers with that tease of disaster. News outlets report the next wave of the Rona will be much worse than the first wave and that hundreds of thousands will die. Die live on streaming video. The pandemic will be tweeted. Networks are secretly placing news crews high and low, ready to bring breaking news into your living room. Poised and ready to report the End of the World. Bringing it all to you LIVE As It Happens (and remember we're still not sure if a second wave will occur. There is no scientific evidence showing anything will happen).

The COVID committee says NOW is the time to panic shop! Get to the malls and spend! Ice cream, fresh seafood and KitKat bars expected to sell out first. Followed by paper towels, spray paint and peanut butter crackers. Sell your stock. Buy more stock. The NASDAQ is at an all-time high, or low. Order sushi and don't pay. Wear a mask! Wash your hands! Run with scissors.

And most important, panic! Stay tuned for a pep rally from the president's COVID committee. Panic shopping at the White House Labor Day Flash Sale! First eight thousand registered voters with a valid ID will get a free USB flash drive with any purchase from the president's Oval Office Shopping Network. Own a genuine original copy of the Constitution of United States of America from 1789. Like new. Hasn't been read in years, at least three years. Or get a limited supply of Ivanka's fashions (links to Amazon via associate link). Exclusive deals only on the president's Oval Office Shopping Network. Huge sale, over 70% off! Presidential dinnerware from looser past presidents. Someone must want this old stuff piled up in storage.  Everything that isn't Donald is being sold! Forget that boring virus and mumbo jumbo scientists, the Oval Office fire sale is on now, don't miss it.

GAMER NEWS Just In — the new edition of PC Gamer reports that “COVID-20” has a launch date of November 4th and it will launch in 5K and in VR. Is it REALITY OR SURREAL television? Stay tuned for updates as we dream them.   

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Multiple #NoMayo Lawsuit Filed Over Mayonnaise Usage

Mixing ketchup and mayo is not special and is not a secret sauce-it just ruins ketchup. 

From hot sauce to hamburgers, mayo ridden meals are being reported at an alarming rate.  Twitter hashtag tracking shows a 280 thousand sandwich #Fail for mayo mistakes so far this year, compared to same the 6 month period last year which recorded under 100 thousand mayo linked food #Fails. A group of consumers organizing multiple lawsuits are demanding mayo warning labels on packaging of food items that contain mayo and clearly identify every menu item sold with a mayonnaise. Food companies have been in the cross hairs of condiment litigation before but a newly formed #NoMayo group is using social media to raise awareness and grow participation.

"It's more than a few complaining," James Lemone, Head of Product Satisifbaction for a leading mayo manufacturer, told Renegade News. "I've had to hire twenty-three more lawyers and fifty-two more paralegals in the last six months. It's always a bad sign if James Lemone is hiring more lawyers. This could drive me out of business" The condiment manufacturers do not want the labeling and are scared.

This year alone, there have been many lawsuits filed and numerous resolved that could factor into future cases and help answer some of the big questions looming over the mayo industry. Will any foods be exempt from mayo warning labels? "These activists are going too far. Do we really need a warning on a BLT?  Who eats a BLT without mayo?," Lemone adds. Who is responsible for mayo failures at the food prep level? Will the death penalty be used in certain states?

FOODS TOUCHED BY MAYO

Special or secret sauce – it's not special and it's not a secret. Mayo lobbyists pushed mayo into ketchup so hard that ketchup producers thought the only option was mix mayo into their ketchup bottles. No, no, no. Heinz. Stop mixing it. No mayoque, no mayochup. If someone wants to eat mayo on a hamburger, or on ice cream for that matter, it is a decision that must be made by the individual. Label these hamburgers with the mayo warning, no secrets.

Dijon mustard is bad seed.

The chipotle pepper, a smoke-dried ripe chile pepper used for seasoning. It is a chile used primarily in Mexican and Mexican-inspired cuisines, such as Tex-Mex and Southwestern dishes. It's been popular as a spice on the American food scene long before some numb-nuts mixed the spice with mayo and slathered sandwiches. Now when a food item is described using "chipotle" you can safely assume that it contains a chipotle mayo type sauce. Avoid The Aioli.

The hamburger - a hamburger should never have mayo added by anyone but a consumer. Not much discussion needed. A soggy bun sucks. Let's put a footnote in about the Steak and Cheese sandwich. Mayo on a steak sandwich WTF? Moving on.

French Fries – At first it seemed like a great dining trend, Moules Frites – Belgian Mussels with French Fries but as with other meals it's hard to recover from mayo on a plate with food. Restaurateurs ignored #NoMayo.  If you insist on the fries and mayo, catch a flight to Belgium and take a tour of Moules Frites.

Sushi. If the menu says "spicy" expect mayo mixed with raw fish, such as spicy tuna or spicy salmon. Many lemmings (uncreative chefs) use mayonnaise as a topping.  Every bite you take. Every roll you make. They'll be watching you.

SCHEDULE I MAYO?

These lawsuits are pushing for a Spice, Sauce and Condiment Commission (SSCC). The SSCC would establish a system similar to the schedule used by the DEA. Mayo, considered the most grotesque food product, will be known as Schedule I. Aioli, Remoulade, Miracle Whip, Special Sauce are all versions of mayo, and would be included as Schedule I sauces. Labels warning of mayo products will be strictly enforced. Fines and prison time are to be determined.

Schedule II – Ketchup and mustard. This dynamic duo are also considered offensive in some circles, but unlike Schedule I condiments, both of these are acceptable in most cases.

Mayo has shattered meals and scorched palates.  Just say #NoMayo

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FALSE CLAIM of a CoVid Colon Antibody Test

WARNING: MIAMI-DADE County, FL. Beware of a Florida Main, claiming to be a doctor, driving in an nondescript white van and claiming to authorized to perform free CDC approved Coronavirus / CoViD antibody test with 100% accurate results. 

The unaccredited doctor is reported to park crowded parking lots in Hialeah and Miami Lakes at various times of the day. He claims the only 100% accurate antibody test is in the Colon. Dozens of reports have been made to Miami-Dade and Hialeah police departments. Victims agree to the colon swab but the van drives away before giving people their results. 

 According to the CDC there is no such colon swab test for CoViD antibodies being offered in the United States at this time. 

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Disney Grande Band Aide will revolutionize crowds and big events

Disney World reopens the Happiest Place on Earth with a few tweaks for COVID-19.

Disney turned a deaf mouse ear to the thousands who pleaded not to reopen yet. Our Renegade News entertainment reporter spoke with Walt Disney last week. Disney walked us through a few of the safety features being implemented at the theme parks for moving a herd of people quickly through the gates.

"We have increased Disney Magical Moments to eight times the usual moment, that means a Disney cast member is likely to have a moment with a guest every 5 minutes," Disney told us.  All cast characters have been trained in proper use of Lysol and Clorox Wipes. Expect to be wiped down and sprayed during your visit to the Magic Kingdom. 

And in addition, guests are being fitted with a strong magnetic belt which will repel other guests who come within 10 feet of each other. Officials are saying the magnetic belt, called the Disney Grande Band Aide, or DiGBA, will revolutionize large gatherings in the parks. In the future Disney plans to make the DiGBA available for sale to event producers around the world. The ultimate in crowd control. Disney imagineers rolled out earlier versions that Cinderella has been wearing since March. Disney acknowledged this DiGBA belt is still being fine tuned and has a few known issues including magnets launching guests 30 feet in the air and there are reports of uncontrollable movements when worn near the Maglev trains. 

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President Trump To Grant 3 Wishes

Donald Trump, the reality television super host turned president is so excited about his latest stunt that he used tear gas and rubber bullets on American citizens to clear his path for the announcement. Trump's Stunts are shown on his FOX News program every Tuesday at 5pm or whenever he wants because he is far more popular than any  show on television.  Huge ratings is what keeps Donald going. And his ratings are huge.

Don is focused on the carrot. When the coronavirus pandemic was looming, it never distracted Don from tweeting. When a black man was murdered in Minnesota and it created riots from coast-to-coast, our Megalomaniac in Chief was thrilled that crowds were outside the White House cheering for Donald. 

As you already know, when the Trumps moved into the White House a genie was captured. It is still alive living in its bottle. On Thursday afternoon (June 4th), President Trump will release the genie and grant the 3 wishes to auction winners. 

Donald Trump is granting three wishes to the three highest bidders. Bids will be taken via the great new whitehouse.gov auction portal going online Tuesday, June 2nd at 10 PM EDT and will remain online until 11:59 PM EDT on Wednesday, June 3rd. Bids must be made by citizens of the United States, have a valid passport and verifiable proof who they voted for in 2016.

Donald Trump will give all money generated from his genie wish stunt to the Trump World Fund based in the Cayman Islands. Representatives from the Trump World Fund would not speak on record about the fund, how much is collected annually or where the money is used but we were assured it is for very important things. Think vaccines, poverty, hunger, crime, poverty. Now think of a number between 1 and 100. Was it 28? Was I close?  The Trump World Fund, also known as 2918888201-03-00923 in the Cayman Islands will have another auction in July. Trump will announce details closer to the auction date. 

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