Saturday, February 6, 2016

Finally a non-dairy, vegan friendly floor cleaner and it's kosher too

Non-Dairy, Lactose Free and Vegan Friendly Floor Cleaner

Mr. Clean took his personal battle public this week. For years the man behind household cleaners struggled with his lactose intolerance and worked many year with researchers to produce a vegan friendly non-dairy kitchen cleaner. Now Procter & Gamble has done it, and it's even kosher!

Attention lactose intolerant housekeepers. Now you can au pair without a care; your fear of that funky floor feeling is over. Now is the time to raise mops in celebration of a new line of dairy free deep cleaning floor care products.

Procter & Gamble Professional—the away-from-home division of Procter & Gamble, serving the foodservice, building cleaning and maintenance, hospitality and convenience stores industries—presents Lactose Intolerant Mr. Clean  kitchen & bath products, the ideal solution for fighting grime and dirt without the meat or milk.

The new lineup of dairy-free Mr. Clean offers solutions for a variety of  floorings, including:


  • All Purpose, safe on all surfaces; swirled with non-abrasive vanilla bean specks. 
  • Hardwood, a coffee tinted liquid with fudge chunks & caramel swirls
  • Stone & Laminate, formulated with a bold crunchy peanut cleaner that leaves a brilliant chocolate sandwich shine.
  • Carpet, lifts years of dirt from your rug using a banana cream base and walnut agitator. 

For years, Non-Dairy homeowners have had no choice but to envy the in-laws, unable to compete in America's favorite suburban pastime. Now it’s your turn America. Pull the rug out and wipe the smile off your in-law’s smug mug.

“Creating these new cleaners with a Non-Dairy base composition that meets the high expectations of suburban home dwellers was quite a challenge,” said Head Mopper Kirsten Relomo. “We wanted to bring the cleaning experience to Peoria and Pottsville, and we nailed it!”

The new line up is available in gallons (MSRP: $25.69). To learn more about non-dairy Mr. Clean or to find a store near you, visit bit.ly/1PFWRjF.   Procter & Gamble Pro says to look for the expanded line of cleaning products to include tub and tile, patio furniture and optical wipes. Due on shelves by July.


THIS IS A PARODY OF NEWS

Tuesday, February 2, 2016

Easy EZ Scam. Driver alert.
DRIVERS BEWARE!  There is a scam going on along New Jersey highways that could cost you in big fines.

Unauthorized vendors are selling 'easy' buttons to unsuspecting motorists at $40 promising flat rate for all future tolls.  We want to get the word out, this is not true and will cost you  in heavy fines for skipping tolls.  The fakes are round, red and say "easy" the real pass says "ezpass", rectangular and isn't a fake.  A source at AAA tells us there are an estimated 20 thousand drivers with red "easy" buttons on their windshields.  If you have any doubts visit the New Jersey EZPass page.


THIS IS A PARODY OF NEWS