President Trump To Grant 3 Wishes

Donald Trump, the reality television super host turned president is so excited about his latest stunt that he used tear gas and rubber bullets on American citizens to clear his path for the announcement. Trump's Stunts are shown on his FOX News program every Tuesday at 5pm or whenever he wants because he is far more popular than any  show on television.  Huge ratings is what keeps Donald going. And his ratings are huge.

Don is focused on the carrot. When the coronavirus pandemic was looming, it never distracted Don from tweeting. When a black man was murdered in Minnesota and it created riots from coast-to-coast, our Megalomaniac in Chief was thrilled that crowds were outside the White House cheering for Donald. 

As you already know, when the Trumps moved into the White House a genie was captured. It is still alive living in its bottle. On Thursday afternoon (June 4th), President Trump will release the genie and grant the 3 wishes to auction winners. 

Donald Trump is granting three wishes to the three highest bidders. Bids will be taken via the great new whitehouse.gov auction portal going online Tuesday, June 2nd at 10 PM EDT and will remain online until 11:59 PM EDT on Wednesday, June 3rd. Bids must be made by citizens of the United States, have a valid passport and verifiable proof who they voted for in 2016.

Donald Trump will give all money generated from his genie wish stunt to the Trump World Fund based in the Cayman Islands. Representatives from the Trump World Fund would not speak on record about the fund, how much is collected annually or where the money is used but we were assured it is for very important things. Think vaccines, poverty, hunger, crime, poverty. Now think of a number between 1 and 100. Was it 28? Was I close?  The Trump World Fund, also known as 2918888201-03-00923 in the Cayman Islands will have another auction in July. Trump will announce details closer to the auction date. 

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Dr. Clean appointed leader of the NIH, CDC and the White House physician

Formerly known as Mr. Clean, Dr. Clean is a Graduate of Trump University with an honorary degree, Doctor of Humanities.

Clean is one of the custodians who believe bleach added to a bucket of water may kill viruses and leave a cleaner surface. To expand on this, president Trump stated that ingesting disinfectant might just kill Coronavirus. Of course the president was being sarcastic but is always thinking outside the box.

Dr. Clean led the Human Genome Project crew responsible for emptying waste baskets in the administrative offices.

Recently Dr. Clean was appointed acting director of the National Institutes of Health in Bethesda, Maryland, United States. Mr. Clean was also given responsibilities of acting director of the Centers for Disease Control and is now chief physician for the president and his family.

Dr. Clean  has been working in medical offices for more than 40 years. He comes with high praise from very Impressive people with big titles and terrific Amazon reviews. Dr. Clean is not afraid of tough jobs and has a magic eraser to clean up even the biggest mess.

We wish Dr. Clean much success with the career move.

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The Press Conference staring Pres. Trump season one

He leaves chaos and fear in his wake. Donald Trump staffers always wondering, "what's next?" Earlir this week, our Renegade News Science Reporter spent 22 hours with the president and hasn't fully recovered yet.

A very busy Tuesday in Washington, DC.

Making America Great Again, isn't an easy job that many appreciate. But the job comes with a cool red cap so Don thought, why not. Nobody could do a better job staying focused like a laser beam on the dashboard of a 1958 Oldsmobile driving down a gravel road with a broken suspension and three screaming kids in the back seat.  Screaming kid #1 asking for "facts", #2 wants "scientific evidence" and Don has no idea what the third child is whining about. What are "Constitutional laws?"

Some days are harder than others. Don is always happy that Air Force One has been to Florida so many times, it can practically fly itself to Palm Beach. And in two hours, he's relaxing on the astroturf, puttering a few rounds of goonie golf. Always a winner. Don is the best goonie golfer in America. Ask any golfer.

ECONOMIC OUTLOOK

Don is very proud of how he turned around the economy. The Fake News doesn't mention his accomplishments in the economy. Factish: The stock market hasn’t seen a movement like this since since Bach's Brandenburg Concertos collection in 1047. So passionate. Donald feels so passionate about economics that he's known to shut down the government if his ideas are rejected. That says economic smarts like nobody's business.

EMPLOYMENT

And the job future is looking fantastic.  Dollar General is hiring. Walmart is hiring. Manufacturing is booming. Manufacturing jobs everywhere-food prep is filed as manufacturing. Food assembly line jobs. Hiring.

TELEVISION RATINGS

Ratings up, up, up. The Trump Press Conference show is so great. In fact, President Trurmp just signed for 16 more episodes of the press conference. Great show. Very entertaining. Watch Trump on FOX.

Why FOX?

FOX is respectful and knows how to be a guest in someone's home. A FOX reporter knows what a softball question is and when to toss one.

NEWSPAPER RATINGS

Donald doesn't read newspapers. He has a lot on his mind and uses FOX and Twitter.  Newspaper ratings don't matter. Nobody reads. Use Twitter to get the word right from the Trump Rump.

SOCIAL MEDIA

3:40 AM — Don is still #1 on Facebook and has 2.4 trillion followers on Twitter.

Follow @realDonaldTrump on Twitter.  President Trump spends a lot of time wordsmithing his great tweets. Don's natural leadership and intellect shine through in every tweet. Don's Tweets are sharp and focused. No Fact Check required. Never fact check. Waste of time.  Speaking of sharp and focused, crazy Joe @JoeBiden finally got the big endorsement from ex-president Barack Obama. If Obama was such a great president,  why didn't he have a pandemic team?  Maybe he did. Maybe he didn't.  I'm talking about his endorsement for Joe Biden now.

On Twitter: @BarackObama

For all of us who love this country and are willing to do our part to make sure it lives up to its highest ideals – now’s the time to fight for what we believe in. Join us at http://JoeBiden.com. And I’ll see you on the campaign trail as soon as I can.

Sad. Such a boring tweet. Needs spice. Bland tweet. YAWN. Anyway, Donald Trump has more followers and retweets than anyone on earth. More than Santa Claus and Jesus combined. Donald tweets a lot of fantastic things on social media. Yes fantastic. So dedicated. Donald is awake most of the night sharing his knowledge on twitter.  165,283,542 retweets. Just sayin'. Jump on the Trump Rump.   Dollar General has jobs!

Don is blessed to have bankruptcy and medical experts in his family.  No need for panic. Ivanka has a plan to restart the economy, it starts with her clothing brand. Made in the USA, or China, or wherever, not important. A three prong approach. Buy Ivanka's fantastic clothing. Stay at the glamorous Trump hotels and enroll in Trump University. Money will flow and  everything else will heal itself.

SURPRISE WEDNESDAY

Tune in tomorrow for Wednesday’s episode when Donald announces a big surprise! A multi talented star is joining Donald J’s science and medical leadership team. He thinks America will be very pleased with the new leader of medicine and science.  Just a tiny hint. Famous person who  everyone will recognize. Fabulous Emmy Award winner who played an astronaut and a doctor and has been studying for this role for over a month! So qualified. So very qualified.  I can’t wait to see the rocket ship that Space Force will use to save humanity. It’s huge and painted a beautiful blue to match the blue sandals from  Ivanka Trump’s Isolation-19 line of footwear. Donald Trump, Jr. and Eric Trump were hand picked by NASA, and approved by Congress, to fly the rocket into the sun and save Earth. Tune in Wednesday!!!


Remember, wear a mask and wash your hands. Don won’t wear masks or use soap and water because his sensitive skin turn orange and peels if washed too often. Very beautiful skin.

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See also: Sarcasm.
NOUN
The use of irony to mock or convey contempt.

 ‘his voice, hardened by sarcasm, could not hide his resentment’

sarcasm/ˈsärˌkazəm/ /ˈsɑrˌkæzəm/

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Retooling television to work from home?

With America working from home, pajamas and puppies are getting more screen time than ever before.  It appears that WFH is going to be around a while so it's time to rethink television show themes.

JEOPARDY:  Contestants buzz in from home. Wrong answer? Take a shot.

LOCAL NEWS:  Put on some pants, we know you are in boxers and barefoot.

TELENOVELAS:  Set up a "Zoom" chat and go at it.

LATE SHOW? Colbert was always one T away from the coffee talk show. Just imagine...

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April brings new laws to the books

Many new laws begin today, April 1st, 2020, including the law against humor. Seriously?

The unlawful use of parody is a $500 fine, repeat offenders are subject to arrest. Improv fines vary and will be judged on a case-by-case basis. Slapstick in a public area is treated as a misdemeanor and will result in a $25 quality of life ticket.

American situation comedies, or sitcoms, have lacked humor for over 20 years. Even this breaking news story, on April Fool's Day, is far from funny.  Smiling for passport or drivers license photos? Not in your lifetime.

Over the past month, Renegade News readers have spotted No Laughing signs going up adjacent to No Smoking signs. When the general population is released from lockdown expect comedy clubs to move the shows underground akin to alcohol consumption during prohibition in the 1920s.

Government officials did not return our calls so we have no day one data on the No Laughing law enforcement.

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